. . trying to make sense out of nonsense

2008-11-12T01:56:00.000+09:00

AKU PINDAH RUMAH YAAA...

See you there... :)

to buy or not to buy..? that is the question!

2008-11-04T02:15:00.003+09:00

Ihh.. gw tuh lagi pengen beli batere baru buat laptop gw deh.. Batere gw udah jelek bangeet. Kadang nyebelin dan laptopnya jadi susah dibawa-bawa soalnya baterenya bentar jg udah abis. Udah sejak bulan lalu tuh gw mikir, "ah, abis gw gajian gw beli batere ah. Awal bulan depan!" Nah... sekarang udah bulan depan dan udah gajian.. Tapi kok sayang yaa? Rasanya tuh kaya hasil kerja keras gw kok abis aja gitu dibeliin batere... Jadi mikir-mikir lagii.

Gw selalu gini nih, dari dulu jaman-jaman kamera yang namanya i-Zone gw tuh pengeeen banget punya satu. Keren banget kan masa-masa itu, kamera langsung jadi yang hasilnya photo sticker! Wuidiih.. Jadilah gw kumpulin duit.. Sedolar demi sedolar, demi si i-Zone. Pas duitnya udah kekumpul, dan gw udah berpikir, beli deh besok. Ehhh... tiba-tiba ngerasa sayaaannng banget. Sayang banget gw udah ngumpulin duit selama itu dan cuma dibeliin gituan doang. Perasaan gw juga ngga butuh. Jadi akhirnya gw ngga beli. Haha.

Ini batere laptop juga sama kasusnya. Sebenarnya gw juga ngga sering-sering banget bawa laptop gw pergi-pergi, jadi just leaving it plugged at home doesn't matter juga.. Tapi kadang agak irritating ya, soalnya suka ngga mau nger-charge bahkan.

Ah.. tunggu sampai nanti-nanti lagi deh ah kalau udah benar-benar butuh! :P

:D

2008-10-25T01:11:00.002+08:00

Laughter is the best medicine.

I had the worst stomachache earlier, I thought I'd die. I took a couple of pills and it still wouldn't go away. Then mr boyfriend and I looked at my birthday photos and he managed to make me laugh so hard I was crying. Then the pain just went away.

Yes yes, laughter IS the best medicine! :D

2008-10-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

Main-main kesini yuuukk... :)

polos sekalii.

2008-10-19T01:14:00.004+08:00

Today, during a family reunion, my 6-year old cousin asked me a funny question,

"Ci, cici udah menikah ya sama ko bebe?"
"Belum! Emang kenapa?" gw kaget banget denger anak sekecil itu udah ngerti soal menikah. Dan gw penasaran pengen tau kenapa dia bisa tanya gitu.
"Abisnya cici suka ngobrol sama ko bebe!"
Gw ngakak sejadi-jadinya. Betapa polosnya anak kecil itu! Hahah. Cuma gara-gara gw suka ngobrol sama pacar gw, dia kira kita udah nikah.
Mr boyfriend ikutan ngakak dan kita jadi heboh berdua ngomongin how cute he is.
"Tuh kan ngobrol! Ihhh.. udah nikah yaaa..."
Mind you, sepupu gw itu amat sangat polos anaknya. Terus abis itu dia minta liat tangan gw.
"Naaah... Ngga ada cincinnya kaaannn..."
"Pasti ditinggal di rumah kan!"
Terus gw tunjukkin tangan mr boyfriend ke sepupu gw.
"Ngga ada cincinnya juga kan..."
"Pasti ditinggal di rumah juga!"

Aduh lucu banget sih diaaa... Polos banget! Hahah.

damn.

2008-10-17T01:33:00.002+08:00

After a really bad breakup, I told myself to not fall in love too deep with someone again, until I'm married to that person. Then I found this person that's made me eat those words. I've fallen really deep for him and we haven't even been together that long.

And now I'm scared to death of losing him because I don't think I can deal with life without him, and I definitely can't deal with any more breakups.

Arrrghh...
I hate living in this kind of fear. It's stupid yet I can't avoid it :(

grr.

2008-10-07T23:50:00.003+08:00

Kenapa ya kalau di Indo tiap orang tanya gw,
"kerja apa?"
dan gw jawab
"ngajar"
reaksi mereka pasti kaya salting dan cuma bilang,
"oh."

Is there something wrong with being a teacher? OK, maybe the pay isn't as good as working in an office, but the return I get which money can't buy? Priceless.

Kadang bikin gw pengen bilang,
"Tante/om, anak tante/om les inggris ngga? Sekolah ngga? Tujuan anak tante/om disekolahin dan dilesin apa? Biar pinter kan? Kalau di tempat les dan di sekolah ngga ada guru, anak tante/om bisa pinter ngga?"

Grr.

update..

2008-10-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

I'M BACK!

Been busy as a bee.. hahah. So last weekend, 19-21 September, I went to Singapore for a cousin's wedding. Which was why I was missing for a while. Then that following week I was busy with work [3 jobs, mind you] and saw mr boyfriend everyday because I was going away for Idul Fitri holidays for 5 days which meant I wasn't gonna see him for 5 long days.. Then the day after I came back, he was going away for a week with his family. So we tried to see each other as much as we possibly could. However, early that week he got sick so I took him to the doctor and had to keep reminding him to take his meds. Poor baby. But now he's well :D

Anyway... here I am, back from Bali. I went to see him today eventhough it was only for a few hours. He's leaving for Singapore tomorrow for a week. Haha I'm such a teenager. I can't stand not seeing him for such a long time [okay, a week. But that's looonnnggg enough!]. Good thing my mum and sister are here for the week he's away. I won't be so lonely. Hehe. And of course, I've got my jobs to keep me more than occupied. Hehe.

What else.. what else..

We went to Kelapa Gading Mall today and bumped into a couple of people [at least I did. He bumped into manymany of his friends]. Both people I met were my students, and funnily enough, one of them is mr boyfriend's friend and the other one is his junior at his high school. Now, since mr boyfriend teaches after school music at his high school and that student of mine does after school music, hence that boy is his student as well. Funny how my life somehow rotates around him and people he knows.

Anyway... got a lot of work to catch up on.
So I've got to get to it!

2008-09-27T00:58:00.002+08:00

Having two jobs, running a restaurant, having a social life, a family life and a love life is starting to seem next to impossible.

Capeekk...

thankyouthankyou.

2008-09-17T13:44:00.002+08:00

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head

You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way but still you seem to understand

Thank you :*

gilaa.

2008-09-13T23:20:00.003+08:00

It's a SMALL world after all.

Jadi gw punya satu orang teman yang kronologi cerita cintanya interestingly mirip berat sama gw.

Dulu pertama kali kita kenalan itu Januari 2005 pas kita lagi sama-sama magang di salah satu perusahaan asuransi di Jakarta. Pas baru kenal aja kita connect banget, the chemistry is there. Kita super nyambung dan ngobrol sama dia itu asik banget. Terus karena waktu itu kita sama-sama masih kuliah di Oz, walau beda kota, selesai program magang itu ya baliklah kita ke "kampung" masing-masing. Tapi dari saat itu kita selalu keep in contact, walau boleh dibilang lumayan jarang berkomunikasi.

Lucunya, saat itu kita baru sama-sama putus dari pacar kita saat itu. Then about a year later, pas gw lagi main ke Jakarta dan lagi jalan sama pacar gw [yang notabene ceritanya waktu itu gw balikan sama sang mantan] gw ketemu sama teman gw itu yang juga lagi jalan sama pacarnya. Dan ternyata teman gw itu balikan juga sama mantannya! What a coincidence right? Then ngga lama gw putus dan dia juga at around the same time. Hmm... coincidence lagi..

Terus Februari 2006 dia udah for good ke Jakarta dan mulai kerja di salah satu perkantoran di Kuningan, pas di belakangnya Setiabudi One. Kebetulan gw lagi magang di perkantoran di sebelah Setiabudi One. Jadilah kita beberapa kali janjian ketemuan kalau pulang kantor.

Tahun 2007 pas gw lagi deket lagi sama mantan gw, dia juga deket lagi sama mantannya. Ada apa dengan kita ya? Haha.

Naaah... Februari 2008 gw for good juga ke Jakarta jadi kita tetapkan untuk ketemuan at least seminggu sekali. Dan pada saat yang bersamaan [again] kita lagi deket sama pria baru. Lalu jadianlah gw sama teman pria gw itu. Dan sebulan kemudian, dia jadian juga sama teman pria dia.

Semalam ceritanya kita mau double date, biar bisa saling memperkenalkan/memamerkan pacar masing-masing. Bertemulah kita. DAN TERNYATA... pacar gw dan pacar dia satu smp DAN satu sma walau beda angkatan dan apparently pas sma mereka beberapa kali nongkrong bareng di sekolah walau mereka ngga deket. DAN TERNYATA [lagi]... pacar gw dan teman gw itu satu smp.. Jadilah kita berempat super heboh dengan coincidence ini. Gw sama teman gw sih cuma bisa speechless dan geleng-geleng kalau ingat kesamaan cerita cinta kita berdua.

I'm telling you.. It's a damn small world!

Quick update:
Starting Kamis lalu gw ngajar inggris di Institut Musik Indonesia. Seru!
Hari pertama ngajar kenalan sama Badai-nya Kerispatih dan ketemu Deva-nya Pilot :P Hari ini gw datang wisudaan terus di depan gw duduklah Anton Kerispatih. Woo hoo. Seru! Haha.

asik punya deh!

2008-09-06T00:49:00.002+08:00

Besok berencana jalan-jalan ke Bogor sama pacar, mantan pacarnya pacar dan pacar mantan pacarnya pacar.

Cihuy!

afraid, i guess.

2008-09-02T20:59:00.007+08:00

Sesungguhnya gw lagi amatsangat happy. Happpyyyy banget.
Tapiii... [damn, kenapa kalimat yang begitu indahnya dimulai dengan "gw lagi amatsangat happy" harus ditambahin "tapiii..."??]

I can't deny it because sometimes it does cross my mind.. What would happen if he ever left me? I've been through a break-up before and it's not pretty. It took manymany bruises, litres of tears resulting in panda eyes, thousands of swear words, hundreds of sleepless nights, living on the brink of depression and TWO years to get over.

This guy makes me so happy that I can't help but wonder what would happen if anything bad did happen. Then it makes me want to pull back a little bit, just in case. Is that stupid? Is it stupid to think like that?

I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy,
something bad always happens.

sick agaaiin.

2008-09-02T18:50:00.003+08:00

I am sick. Again. For the.. what? Fifth time this year?
Perasaan dulu-dulu I only get the flu once a year deeehh.. And that's not even the full version of the flu. It's more like a cold. Now I get the works? The coughing, the sore throat, watery eyes, nasal voice...

A few hypotheses as to why:
1. Lack of exercise.
2. Lack of quality sleep!
3. Lack of outdoorsy activities.

They say people don't get the flu from staying outdoors, but from staying indoors too much.

At least when I was still in Perth I spent time outdoors. I walked around at uni, I walked around in the city, the occassional sitting around in parks... And I was getting exercise! The walking, occassional trips to the gym... Damn, this is not good for me! Haha.

Anyway... maybe I'm also taking on too much.. Got too much going on in my head!
Gotta go and think some more! :P

one last one for tday.

2008-08-29T20:23:00.004+08:00

1.udah berapa lama hidup?
+ 22 tahun lebih seminggu. hehe.

2. apa yang membangunkan lo tadi pagi?
+ my alarm clock plus the realisation that my dad might've left for work before i could say happy birthday!

3. hal pertama yang lo lakukan hari ini ?
+ kluar kamar, nyariin bokap. hehe.

4. lo udah ngobrol ama siapa aja hari ini?
+ waahh... banyak orang banget! hari ini supersibuk!
.
5. baju apa aja yang lo pake pagi ini?
+ tshirt n jeans. hehe.

6. lebih suka gitar atau piano ?
+ DEFINITELY guitar. hehe.

7. cita-cita lo dari kecil sampe sekarang ?
+ hmm dulu pas kecil pingin jadi guru then somewhere along the way cita-citanya berubah tapi sekarang beneran jadi guru!

8. lagu yang lo suka setahun yang lalu ?
+ hahaha its too long ago to remember!

9. film yang lo suka dari dulu sampe sekarang?
+ serendipity pastinya!

10. kegiatan favorit di kamar mandi?
+ sikatgigi. haha. weird huh?

11. apa yang lo lakukan kalo lo lagi sendiri ?
+ macem-macem. lately sih ntn dvd sambil latian gitar. hehe. atau ngga internetan lah ya.

12. apa yang lo lakukan di mobil?
+ dengerin lagu sambil nyanyi kenceng-kenceng seakan-akan lagi konser. hahah.

13. benda favorit saat ini ?
+ wah. ngga tau ya.

14. sms terakhir dari siapa, apa isinya?
+ mr boyfriend, blg dia udah otw ke rumah.

15. pekerjaan terakhir yang lo lakukan dengan komputer selain internet ?
+ kerjaan restoran.

16. mall apa yang lo kunjungi terakhir kali ?
+ taman anggrek.

17. lagu yang terakhir lo nyanyiin ?
+ project pop - bukan superstar. mwahahah.

18. lagu bahasa inggris pertama yang lo afal ?
+ wah... ngga inget!

19. lebih suka lagu burung kakak tua atau balonku ?
+ burung kakatua. balonku terlalu banyak spekulasi whether its "hijau kuning kelabu merah muda dan biru" atau "merah kuning kelabu merah muda dan biru". haha.

20. terakhir chat sama siapa ?
+ nia.

21. benda yang paling lo suka dan nggak akan lo kasih ke siapapun ?
+ uumm... susah milihnya! ooh... my new wallet :D

22. hari ini udah sms siapa aja?
+ mr boyfriend. nyokap. bokap. iie. maya. anin. pegawai gw. siapa lagi yaa? banyak!

23. berapa kali lo makan hari ini?
+ baru 2. breakfast and lunch.

isengiseng.

2008-08-29T20:16:00.003+08:00

Dapet dari Friendster:

The biggest risk you can take in life isn't letting it all ride on black at the craps table or betting your life savings on a football game.
No, the biggest risk you can take is to give your heart completely to someone else.
But the rush you get when the risk pays off is greater than any amount of money ever will be. It is worth it. Even if you lose, your heart will be yours again and you will be oh-so-much wiser.
Sharing your feelings is a win-win situation.

Oh-SO right.

just a thought.

2008-08-27T01:17:00.004+08:00

Dulu for a period of time gw sempat mikir kalau hidup gw sucks banget dan kayaknya the point of my everyday was just to simply get through the day. Tapi lately gw baru nyadar kalau gw itu sebenarnya amat sangat lucky.

Albert Einstein [again] once said,
There are only two ways to look at life.
One is to see as if nothing is a miracle, and two is as if everything is a miracle.

Kita terlalu sering ngga bersyukur untuk hal-hal kecil yang udah Tuhan kasih buat kita. Kita bisa bangun tiap pagi dan matahari masih bersinar dan burung masih berkicau aja harusnya udah cukup untuk membuat kita merasa lucky. Sayangnya kita ngga menghargai itu dan selalu look for some huge great miracle untuk buat kita merasa Tuhan masih memperhatikan kita. Hey, God's got SO many better things to do than to make sure the earth is rotating and the stars are positioned perfectly in the sky. Kita complain soal hal-hal kecil misalnya hari ini kesandung dan sepatu kesayangan kita agak-agak rusak dikit. Tuhan dalam hati pasti mikir, gila, masih banyak hal yang jauh lebih penting kali yang harus Gw pikirin. Coba kalau Gw meleng dikit terus matahari terbitnya telat. Betul ngga?

Pas awal-awal gw balik for good ke Jakarta gw sempet agak-agak merasa menyesal dengan keputusan gw. Tapi sekarang gw happy banget dan I'm so glad I chose to come back. Misalnya aja soal kerjaan. Gw kirim CV cuma ke satu tempat dan langsung dapet kerjaannya, terus after that all the other job offers are coming to me instead of me coming to them. I will be juggling 3 jobs soon, and maybe 4 if condition permits. Gw merasa amat sangat grateful, secara sekarang yang namanya cari kerjaan tuh susah banget.

I suppose itu tergantung dari mentality setiap orang juga kali ya.
You can either see difficulty in every opportunity, or see opportunity in every difficulty.
That determines whether you have the mentality of a winner or a loser.

talk about relativity.

2008-08-21T01:07:00.004+08:00

Ada yang bilang sama gw, katanya kalau jadi orang jangan baik terus. Kalau kita selaluuuuuuu baik banget dan semua orang mikirnya kita tuh orang baik, begitu kita melakukan sesuatu yang mereka ngga bisa terima, langsung kita dicap buruk. Sedangkan misalnya ada seseorang yang emang ngga baik baik banget, dan dia melakukan sesuatu yang tidak seharusnya dia lakukan, a mistake really, orang bakal maklum.

I suppose that's why gw ngga gitu suka kalau orang bilang I'm a good girl. Dari dulu orang udah ngecap gw good girl dan gw selalu berusaha ngerubah persepsi orang tentang gw. Aneh ya? Orang mah mau nya dibilang good girl, gw malah ngga mau. Gw maunya orang anggep gw biasa biasa aja, soalnya ya itu, when people think that I'm a good girl, begitu gw ngelakuin sesuatu yang menurut orang orang "melanggar" kriteria anak baik, langsung orang orang kaya ngga terima.

Pernah soalnya terjadi. Gw diminta memimpin sebuah acara di camp. Pas gw lagi ngomong dan ngejelasin apa yang pesertanya harus lakuin, mereka sibuk ngobrol sendiri sendiri, terus abis itu nanya terus. I kept explaining over and over again, sampai akhirnya gw kehilangan kesabaran dan agak agak ngamuk. Langsung gw ditarik ke samping dan dibilangin, "kalau loe ngga bisa jaga emosi loe, duduk aja!". Sedangkan ada seseorang yang gw kenal, yang adatnya emang jelek. Kalau dia melakukan hal yang gw lakukan itu, orang ngga ada yang komentar. Kenapa kalau gw yg melakukan, gw langsung dibilangin kayak gitu, dan actually after that people liked me a lot less, which I couldn't care less about actually.

Anyway, kok jadi curhat. Hehe. Kemarin teman gw itu bilang kalau menurut dia, itu yang namanya teori relativitas. Dia sih bilangnya kalau misalnya ada cewek cantik banget dimasukkin ke satu ruangan yang isinya cewek cewek cantik juga, itu cewek jadi kesannya biasa biasa aja. Sama aja kaya yang gw bilang tadi. Kalau orang baik melakukan kesalahan, kesannya heboh banget. Sedangkan kalau orang yang biasa biasa aja melakukan kesalahan, ya biasa biasa aja.

Albert Einstein sih bilang gini:
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

----------------
Now playing: Amanda Seyfried - Thank You For The Music
via FoxyTunes

2008-08-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

Only you can make you wait. Nobody else can.
You need to decide what you want and what you're willing to give up to get it.
And you gotta be okay with that, or you gotta be okay with waiting.

You won't get anything unless you ask for it.
Then if you ask for it and you don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place.

Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were.

- gilmore girls

----------------
Now playing: Bobby Caldwell - Stuck on You
via FoxyTunes

2008-08-14T01:38:00.004+08:00

i wish it would rain..

but wait. mr boyfriend rides a bike. hmm.. that makes things a little bit trickier..

2008-08-08T01:49:00.001+08:00

The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use it.

udH punYA paCaR b3LoM? [haha kebiasan deh gw ntar!]

2008-08-04T22:52:00.003+08:00

Okay, this is to follow up my previous post.

Ngomongin soal orang telpon atau sms nomor asal untuk dapatin pacar, kesannya jadi kaya pacaran tuh cuma trend. Buat gw pacaran itu ngga cuma sekedar itu. Gw ngga harus-kudu-mesti punya pacar kalau emang belum waktunya buat gw punya pacar. Gw ngga langsung panik dan jajal dating sana sini cuma karena teman-teman gw punya pacar. Sekarang tuh kayaknya kalau kita ngga punya pacar tuh ngga cool, ngga asyik. Apa sih emang hubungannya antara kita orangnya asyik apa ngga sama kita udah punya pacar apa belum? Orang jomblo juga bisa seru kok.

Gw ngga ngerti gimana orang bisa ngajakin orang kenalan lewat sms dan langsung nanya tanpa ba-bi-bu udah punya pacar atau belum. What is that..? Aneh. Obviously pacaran itu cuma trend kan? Cuma supaya bisa bilang, "wah, cowo/cewe gw... [isilah titik-titik]." Cuma supaya ada yang digandeng dan dicium-cium. Bah.

Anyway, si penelpon misterius itu sampai hari ini masih kekeuh nelpon. Padahal waktu itu udah gw sms supaya dia gangguin orang lain aja dan dia bilang fine. Ternyataaa... ugghh. Pengen gw sambit.

Kalau ada yang tau +62260 itu darimana kasih tau gw dong. Asli loh nih orang sih udah bener-bener bikin gw amat sangat irritated!

bOLeH kNaLAn n99A?

2008-08-02T18:59:00.004+08:00

I don't know what it is with the new trend with mobile phones these days in Jakarta. It seems like people are hoping to find a boyfriend/girlfriend by calling or messaging a random number. It's happened to me three times and it's starting to seriously bug me.

The first time it was a girl. She called and, forcefully, asked for my name, which of course I didn't give because that's just random. I don't give my name to random people I don't know. So then she hung up and messaged me something along the lines of,

"aQ cuMa maU kNalaN kOk. kLo kM n99a mAu kNaLan saMa aQ 9aPaPa. mAaf 9aN99u."

[btw, isn't using a 9 instead of a G on sms quite troublesome?]

Then a few weeks later, a boy called and again, forcefully, asked for my name. Which I didn't give. Then he asked me if I had a boyfriend as if that has anything to do with anything. Even if I didn't, did he seriously think I'd go out with him?

Then just this morning, someone kept miss call-ing to BOTH my numbers. Everytime I picked up, they would hang up. It's weird because the number starts with 0260 [where the hell is 0260?]. What makes it even weirder is how did they get both my numbers? Hardly anyone knows both my numbers because I usually give one or the other, never both except to my employees and mr boyfriend. Then this person sent me a message saying,

"mf klo bole tau ini sapa ya? kok no lo ada di hp gw? bls."

to which i replied,
"loh, loe yg miss call gw terus."

then s/he,
"no km ada di hp aku. nama km siapa?"
[errmm... now we're using "aku-kamu"??]

me,
"udh deh, ngga ush telpon* lg aja ya.."

s/he,
"nama km siapa?"

I didn't reply.

s/he,
"kok ngga dibales? udh punya pacar blom?"

Oh my goodness! What is this person hoping to get from this?? I ignored them but throughout the day they kept calling and I just kept ignoring the calls.

This is seriously very annoying! Do these people have nothing better to do? Oh wait, stupid question. Of course they don't. Grrr...

soal disiplin

2008-07-29T23:45:00.011+08:00

It is only when you lose sight of the goal that obstacles become obvious.

him: kmu orangnya disiplin, organised. aku? minum obat 3 hari sekali aja suka lupa kalau ngga kmu ingetin. susah untuk aku menjadi seseorang yang disiplin.
me: pokoknya pikirin aja goalnya apa. misalnya, aku juga suka lupa minum obat. tapi pilek kali ini, aku tanya ke diri aku sndiri "pgn cium bebe ngga?". nah, karena aku mau, jadi aku rajin deh minum obat dan minum vitamin c biar cepet sembuh dan cepet cium kmu. coba deh, sekarang kemana-mana aku bawa obat.
him: hahah.

So ask yourself, what's your goal? Don't let obstacles stop you.

2008-07-21T03:42:00.021+08:00

My observation shows that Panther drivers are much more aggressive (hence more dangerous) than Kijang drivers.

Can anybody explain why?

here you go :D

2008-07-20T19:36:00.014+08:00

yw:
here's that story you wanna hear ;)

That morning I woke up with the realization that life wouldn't be as sweet without him. It's worth the jump. I didn't want to regret the things we never did. If things went wrong, at least I know we tried. It's not a one way street and I didn't want to be the fool who let this chance go. I was scared shitless because I wasn't sure there could possibly be love after love.

But I deserve the benefit of the doubt, right? He surely does.

So here we are, giving it a shot. Nobody knows if it's going to work. We're taking it slow, one day at a time. It took a while to adjust, but he's a lot of help. And I love the way he loves me.

I don't wanna jinx it, but a girl could hope... ;)

harus. berhenti. malas*an.

2008-07-16T13:13:00.006+08:00

A] available?
+ mau ngajakin gw ngapain?

B] birthday?
+ 22 August.

C] car?
+ yaris.

D] drink you had last?
+ airputih saja.

E] easiest person to talk to?
+ actually sahabat* gw semuanya gampang buat diajak ngbrl apa aja kok.

F] favourite colours?
+ definitely pink. haha.

G] gummy bears or gummy worms?
+ worms.. hehe.

H] hometown?
+ djakarta.

I] favourite ice cream?
+ cotton candy nya BasRob... or anything with macadamia, but nothing with coconut!

J] just something you always say on IM?
+ haha. random nih ptanyaannya.

K] killed someone?
+ tau ngga, ktnya jz by wishing that someone's dead constitutes as killing them.

L] limeade or lemonade?
+ lemonade. lemon lime bitters boleh ngga? hehe.

M] money or love?
+ lovelovelove. with a sufficient amount of money. cinta ngga bisa dimakan soalnya.

O] one wish?
+ gw dan orang* yang gw sayang happy!

P] person you last contacted?
+ Bebe.

Q] quiet?
+ hardly. haha.

R] reasons you smile?
+ banyak doonnngg..

S] song you last heard?
+ maroon5 - makesmewonder.

T] time you woke up today?
+ 9.3o. haha. dasar pemalas! apa kabar tuh bangun pagi dan olahraga??

U] u like someone right now?
+ how about love? hahah.

V] vegetables?
+ dont mind most of them.

W] worst habit?
+ doyan tidur smp udh masuk taraf kronis. trus.. meledak* emosinya!

X] xrays?
+ pnah. broken/fractured a few bones in my time. haha.

Y] your favourite food?
+ nasipadang pake ayamgulai dan otak. jadi lapar..

Z] zodiac sign?
+ on the casp between leo and virgo.

thinking

2008-07-12T14:45:00.001+08:00

Will you still love me at Christmas?

Just a thought.

----------------
Now playing: Jesse McCartney - Because You Live
via FoxyTunes

3 more sleeps

2008-07-11T12:13:00.007+08:00

Jumat.
Sabtu.
Minggu.
Senin setengah hari.

Terus I'll be back in Jakarta. Gw senang mau pulang, ketemu si Bebe, tapinya berat bo rasanya ninggalin semua yang disini. Salah satu teman baik gw ultah pula minggu depan, dan dia pengen gw ada disini pas dia ultah. Terus hari Senin paginya itu adik gw pergi ke Sydney for a week, sorenya gw balik Jakarta. Kasian nyokap ditinggaaalll... Huhuhu....

Susahnya punya dua rumah!

----------------
Now playing: M2M - Our Song
via FoxyTunes

resolusi tengah tahun!

2008-07-07T22:53:00.003+08:00

I'm getting fat! Muka gw pipi semuaa... :(
Ngemil teruuusss.. soalnya dingin! *beralasan*

Pulang Indo kudu mesti harus olahraga nih.

Bebe, kita jogging!

Pingin beli Wii Fit.. Biar bisa olahraga di rmh secara gw malas bangun pagi demi jogging seperti yang selalu dibicarakan tetapi tidak pernah dilakukan dengan si Bebe. Rencana mau jogging malah pergi makan bakmi. Nyahahah. Niat kurang kuaatt.. Katanya suatu pepatah:
"Apapun bisa dilakukan dengan ketekunan, keuletan dan keyakinan."

Nah, soal jogging ini.. Kita yakin tapi tidak ulet dan tidak tekun :P Dan amat sangat malas bangun paggiiii... Payah! Harus merubah gaya hidup gw nih. MUST KEEP FIT!

Okeh... resolusi tengah tahun:
1. Tidak boleh telponan sampai terlalu malam biar bisa bangun pagi!
2. OLAHRAGA yaaaa...

(Ternyata pilihannya "olahraga.... atau NELPOOONNNN...???" *iklan*)

----------------
Now playing: Greenday - Basket Case
via FoxyTunes

arggghh

2008-07-02T17:03:00.003+08:00

Hari ini gw mencoba menelpon call centre salah satu bank terkemuka di Indonesia, yang memiliki akronim 3 huruf. Tau ngga betapa sulitnya untuk disambungkan ke customer service?

Selamat datang di halo***
Tekan 1 untuk layanan Bahasa Inggris.

*angka 1 ditekan*

Anda telah menekan angka yang salah.
Tekan 1 untuk layanan ini.
Tekan 2 untuk layanan itu.
Tekan 3 untuk layanan yang lain.

*angka 2 ditekan*

Tekan 1 untuk informasi ini.
Tekan 2 untuk informasi itu.
Tekan 3 untuk informasi hal yang lain.
Tekan 4 untuk yang lain lagi.

*angka 3 ditekan*

Tekan 1 untuk layanan a.
Tekan 2 untuk layanan b.
Tekan 3 untuk layanan c.

*angka 1 ditekan*

Untuk mengaktivasi layanan itu anda, anda harus mengunjungi salah satu cabang kami untuk mendapatkan User ID dan PIN anda. Kunjungi website kami di www.*******.com, klik login, masukkan User ID anda dan PIN anda. blablablablabla...

When I was a hair's breadth away from screaming at the bloody phone, finally I heard
Untuk disambungkan ke layanan customer service kami, tekan 0.

*angka 0 ditekan*
*terdengar nada tunggu*

"Selamat sore. Bisa saya bantu?"

Akhirnyaaa!!!

Kok kayaknya gw ngga akan mencoba menghubungi mereka lagi ya?

satu satuuu...

2008-06-29T00:21:00.002+08:00

1 jam yang lalu?
+ mkn ma jei+tody di city garden.

1 hari yang lalu?
+ naik pswt ke perth.

1 menit yang lalu?
+ ngelirik ke tv liat acara masakmemasak.

1 orang yang terakhir sms kamu?
+ bebe.

1 orang yang terakhir menelpon kamu?
+ jenjen.

1 barang yang baru dibeli?
+ shoooes!

1 barang yang baru hilang?
+ wahh. ngga inget!

1 profil yang terakhir diliat?
+ ngga inget jg...

1 hal yang terakhir digosipin?
+ orang brantem.

1 kata yang ingin diteriakin
+ kangen neeeeeehhh...

1 buku yang lg dibaca?
+ jakarta-paris via french kiss.

1 penyakit yang sering dateng?
+ penyakit ngantuk+males kronis..

1 keinginan?
+ sukses dong.

1 yang sedang dipikirkan?
+ "mst cepet* bobo niih."

1 tempat yg semalem kamu kunjungin?
+ joy cafe.

1 hal yang kamu tunggu-tunggu bulan ini?
+ tunggu iie gw+kluarganya datang besookkkk :D

1 benda apa yang kamu pegang di tangan?
+ skrg? lg nyentuh keyboard dong.

1 kegiatan yang mau kamu lakukan 3 jam ke depan?
+ bobo. hehe.

1 acara tv yang kamu tunggu malam ini?
+ the night is almost over!

1 nama org yg kamu temuin kemarin malam?
+ maya.

1 org yg kamu kangenin?
+ bebe.

1 makanan fav kamu?
+ nasi padaaannnnnnngg... jadi lapar..

1 minuman fav kamu
+ nü green tea with honey!

1 binatang yg kamu pelihara?
+ ngga ada sih, tp pgn beli kura niihh.

1 hobby kamu?
+ ntn dvd.. hobi baru!

1.negara kesukaan kamu?
+ indo doonnggggg...

1 binatang yg kmu benci?
+ LABALABA!

boys..

2008-06-28T23:57:00.006+08:00

Hey! I'm back!
Message sent

Message received
Oh hey welcome back.

Thanks. Don't sound too excited :p
Message sent

Message received
Well we can't meet up anyway. There's nothing to be excited about.

Sheesh.. grow up!

good enough

2008-06-25T01:14:00.002+08:00

I hugged him close.
"Do you love me?" Me.
"Of course I do. Why do you suddenly ask me that?" Him.
"Suddenly I got scared." Me.
"Scared of what?" Him.
"Scared to get close to anyone because everyone who ever said 'I'll be there' left." Me.

He hugged me tighter.

"I'm not leaving."

Eventhough I know that's probably not forever, but it's good enough for now.

----------------
Now playing: John Mayer - 83
via FoxyTunes

if only you knew

2008-06-21T12:19:00.005+08:00

if only you knew
what it was like loving you with everything.
what it was like fighting for you.
what it was like to sacrifice.

if only you knew
the nightmare I went through.
the pain that broke my heart everytime.
the fear of letting you go.

if only you knew
how hard it is to say no.
how hard it is seeing you there but not being able to touch.
how hard it is not being able to build that bridge one more time..

----------------
Now playing: Detik - Tentang Cinta
via FoxyTunes

today..

2008-06-20T00:48:00.002+08:00

Strange day today.
It started strangely. Also ended strangely.
Dipenuhi kepingan kepingan masa lalu.

Phew. What a day!

----------------
Now playing: Afgan - Sadis
via FoxyTunes

what the?

2008-06-17T23:35:00.001+08:00

Pacar bertandang ke rumah mantan pacar bersama pacar mantan pacarnya pacar.

SO Melrose Place.

mari bercocok tanam

2008-06-16T00:03:00.002+08:00

Ayo ayo dipupukin dan diairin terus..
Jangan lupa dikasih sinar matahari ya biar sehat.
Tapi tumbuhnya tetap butuh waktu loh, ngga bisa diburu-buru.
Oh, jangan terlalu sering diairin dan dipupukin, nanti busuk.
Biar ngga layu gimana caranya ya?
Terus hati-hati sama benalu, bisa repot.

Iya tetap mesti didoain juga, biar kuasa Tuhan ikutan.

friday the 13th

2008-06-13T23:26:00.001+08:00

oh the irony of it all.

grinning ear to ear

2008-06-12T01:18:00.003+08:00

Hari ini gw merasa bahagia.
It's been a while :) Hope this feeling lasts.

HA! Bahagia kok rasanya aneh ya..? Hehe.
I was being a complete fool and he thought it was cute.
Wow.. right?

made of honor

2008-06-10T02:14:00.003+08:00

Saw it. Love it. Would love to see it again.
I can relate to this movie on so many levels.

definitely maybe

2008-06-09T23:38:00.004+08:00

itCOULDbeYOU: so are you happy?

me: define happy.

itCOULDbeYOU: you know. happy. butterflies. euphoria. never ending smiles. happy.

me: well i dont feel sad. does that mean im happy?

itCOULDbeYOU: i dont know. no?

me: i guess you can say i feel happy. not everyday-is-good-weather-a-storm-is-just-another-kind-of-good-weather happy. but.. yeah. im not sad. so maybe im happy. or maybe i just feel... indifferent.

itCOULDbeYOU: maybe not yet?

me: yeah. maybe.

busybusybusy

2008-06-09T14:40:00.002+08:00

The thing that's been keeping me pleasantly busy :)
Main-main yaaa..
Ada di food court Sunter Mall sama food court Taman Anggrek Mall.
Hope to see you there! :D

stuff

2008-06-07T12:59:00.003+08:00

Tulis apa ya..?

Do you think the older you get, the harder it is to get back those fluttery flighty feelings in your stomach when you are attracted to someone? Whatever happened to those butterflies?

Do you think your pain threshold increases along with the increased frequency of you getting hurt? I've forgotten what it feels like to not be hurt, I've been waking up every morning with the same feeling. I think I've gone numb or something. Or maybe my pain threshold is just increased.

Do you think it's weird that one person thinks the world of you but another person thinks nothing of you? Talk about meaning the world to someone..

Random favourites:
1. Mini cornettos.
2. Kerispatih - Tak Lekang Oleh Waktu. Bila Rasaku Ini Rasamu. Demi Cinta.
3. Grey's Anatomy.
4. Kembalilah.
5. Patrick Dempsey.
6. Strawberry juice with condensed milk.
7. McDonald's fries with the shaker seasoning thing.
8. Nokia 6300 (makasih yaa.. :) )
9. Walking up the stairs to my apartment.
10. Jalan* di Carrefour.

what if

2008-06-05T01:04:00.003+08:00

What if you were only given one chance?
One chance to walk away and never look back.
To seize that portion of happiness you deserve.
To feel valuable again after all you've been through.

Would you walk away from what was never really yours?
The thing you yearn for the most it aches in places you didn't know exist.
Which was close but never close enough.
Where your heart has decided to stay.

You wonder how you can leave.
After all the tears and the laughter.
After your heart's been shattered into a million pieces.
After the broken hopes and dreams.

And what if today was your chance?
Would you take it..
or leave it?

empty still

2008-05-30T20:56:00.004+08:00

My friends tell me I should give myself a chance to be happy.
I should let someone in to make me happy.
Yeah, and I'm not supposed to be looking back, right..?

But how do you get rid of this.. this emptiness?
This feeling where I feel like I'm missing a part of me and he can't fill it (yet?).

I guess it's true what they say..

never make someone your everything
because when they leave
you have nothing

matahari

2008-05-28T16:30:00.001+08:00

Gw udah decide untuk ninggalin pelangi semu itu, dan cari matahari gw.

Mudah-mudahan dia matahari gw :)

2008-05-25T20:35:00.000+08:00

Don't know just what to do with myself.

gimana dong?

2008-05-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

So there is (or was?) this guy.

One of the best people I've met. Dia baik, lucu, pengertian, perhatian, dan sayang banget sama gw. Then I got kind of scared. Gw stuck di comfort zone gw yang sebenarnya menyakitkan. Mungkin secara sadar atau tidak gw suruh dia mundur, gw terus-terusan suruh dia mundur. Dia bilang, dia tulus sama gw, no matter what dia tetap mau jadi teman gw, tetap deket sama gw. Gw tanya, "tapi sampai kapan?". Dia bilang, "ngga tau..".

Dia bilang dia sadar hati gw cuma ada satu, dan dia tau hati itu ada dimana. Dia bilang kehadiran dia kayaknya cuma nyusahin gw jadi dia akan mundur karena dia cuma mau gw happy. Dan gw biarin dia pergi dari gw.

Gw ngga tau kenapa gw biarin dia pergi. Gw merasa bodoh banget membiarkan seseorang yang mau menjadikan gw prioritas dia pergi gitu aja. Gw udah lupa rasanya diperhatiin dan disayang sampai segitunya. Dia bikin gw happy, tapi kenapa gw takut?

It's weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends to being practically strangers again..

and it all happens so fast.

nol

2008-05-16T23:31:00.002+08:00

Ibaratnya gw angka, gw ini angka nol.

nol dikali apapun, tetap nol.
nol ditambah apapun, akan hilang.
nol dikurang apapun, akan menjadi negatif.

Seakan-akan ngga punya arti ya..?

titik temu

2008-05-15T23:28:00.003+08:00

Aku ambil satu langkah mendekat.
Kamu ambil dua langkah mundur.
Aku ambil satu langkah menjauh.
Kamu ambil dua langkah maju.

Begitu terus.

Kita mau begini sampai kapan?

Mana titik temunya..?

dilema

2008-05-13T11:21:00.003+08:00

Ketika malam penuh bintang
Diantara cahaya temaram
Kau beri aku kesejukan
Tapi hatiku b i m b a n g

Aku ingin
Hatiku tak bisa
Apakah ini nyata
Atau mimpi belaka

Ku takut rindu
Bila tak lagi bertemu
Haruskah kuterima
Cinta yang dilema

Kau tanya apakah ku bisa
Membuka hatiku untukmu
Ku tak bisa berkata-kata
Air mata yang bicara

Sesungguhnya ku ingin dirimu
Tuk cairkan hatiku yang beku
Tapi aku belum siap
Aku jadi dilema

Aku tak mau menyakitimu
Karna hati ini masih ragu
Tapi aku butuh cinta
Aku jadi dilema

fenomena permainan anak sekolah

2008-05-04T22:52:00.002+08:00

Gw inget jaman jaman gw sekolah dulu tuh ada mainan aneh aneh yang suka gw mainin sama teman teman gw. Misalnya main Tazos, Halo halo Bandung, dan berbagai mainan lain yang setelah melalui diskusi diskusi panjang dengan teman teman gw skrg yang notabene dulu beda sekolah, mereka main juga. Berarti semua anak SD di seluruh Jakarta, atau malah mungkin Indonesia, main permainan yang sama dong?

Murid murid gw yang sekolahnya di Kelapa Gading, Pasar Baru dan sekitarnya, tunjukkin gw permainan yang mereka suka mainin di sekolah mereka. Trend paling baru itu main "Mejikuhibiniu" sama mainan pake tutup botol gtu. Pas murid murid gw main, gw agak agak bingung dan tidak mengerti mereka mainin apaan. Eh.. pas gw main ke rumah saudara gw yang di Serpong, sepupu gw ajarin gw main "Mejikuhibiniu"!

Gw jadi mikir ya.. Sebenarnya siapa sih yang ciptain permainan permainan kaya gini, trus siapa yang "nularin" dari satu sekolah ke sekolah lain sampai semua anak di semua sekolah bisa main? Hebat banget loh, asli.. Ini benar benar sebuah fenomena.. [Kok gw ngga penting banget sih yang dipikirin?]

sedih

2008-05-02T00:29:00.002+08:00

I feel so misunderstood.

Kadang gw suka mikir.. kenapa sih apapun yang bagus yang pernah gw lakukan selama ini ngga pernah matter dan ngga pernah diingat, tapi pas gw melakukan sesuatu yang buruk akan diingat terus dan seakan-akan menghapuskan semua yang lain..?

Gw ngelakuin semuanya dengan tulus, sumpah, tulus. Tapi I guess kadang it would be nice to be appreciated. That's all..

Is that too much to ask..?

questions questions

2008-04-30T18:41:00.008+08:00

1. How's your day?
* hmm... not too bad..

2. Have you ever said, you'll never love again?
* no way! never say never..

3. Is there anything bothering you right now?
* of course.. ya iyalah yaa..

4. Is there something you wanna let go of?
* YES!

5. Do the old songs you had in your past really remind you of the memories?
* definitely yes.. i link things to songs i think..

6. How important is "trust"?
* VERY. what is any relationship without trust?

7. Do you believe in soul mates?
* yeap.

8. How do you learn to forget?
* hmm... i forgive, but i dont forget.

9. Is crying a sign of weakness?
* no. it just shows that you have feelings.

10. Do you always regret?
* no regrets, just lessons.

11. What is your current ringtone?
* capulet - melupakanmu.

12. Do you believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder?
* i dont know. bikin kangen iya.. haha.

13. Do you find your ex's new gf/bf good looking?
*

14. What will you do if you're stuck in the elevator with someone you don't like?
* oh well. stick it out. abis mau diapain lagi? hahaha.

15. Have you ever wanted someone but you can't have him/her?
* yeah. you think??

16. Have you ever said 'i love you' but you lied?
* no. not in this lifetime. or any lifetime at all.

17. Would you ever want to go back in the past?
* is this a trick question?

18. Do you really wanna please everybody?
* i think that's the biggest mistake anyone can make. it's impossible to please everybody.

19. Right now, where do you wanna be?
* where my heart is.

20. What are you so sick and tired of?
* waiting.

21. What made you smile today?
* a certain apple.

22. Is looking good important?
* not top of the list important, but it does play some sort of a role in life.

23. Do you listen to love songs when you're down?
* definitely yes. hehe.

2008-04-28T16:32:00.000+08:00

Biarlah ku rela melepasmu, meninggalkan aku
Berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk lupakanmu

long day

2008-04-28T02:41:00.003+08:00

It was a long day today..

Started the day di Anyer.. Went bush bashing for a bit, manjat gunung, liat-liat sawah di udara yang panasnya minta ampun. Sempet nyasar diatas gunung, tapi untung ada sinyal jadi bisa ketemu sama yang lain. By the time gw nyampe ke bawah lagi, I was drenched in sweat.

Nyampe Jakarta lgsg jemput bonyok dan adik gw di airport, bokap abis tugas diluar. Everything went fine until about 8pm we got a call that one of my cousins yang lagi ikut camp pramuka di puncak sesak napas lalu pingsan dan denyut nadinya sempet ilang for about 20 minutes dan blood pressurenya drop sampai rendah banget. Bonyoknya langsung pergi jemput anaknya dan on the way kesana, mobilnya remnya blong. Untungnya mereka bisa berenti di pinggir jalan dan akhirnya supir gw yang kebetulan banget lagi ada di rumah gw nyamperin mereka pakai mobil kita.

Nyokap dan adik gw mesti balik ke Perth malamnya jadi kita ngga bisa ke rumah sakit dulu soalnya harus anterin mereka ke airport dulu. On the way ke airport, gw lihat kecelakaan motor. Technically salahnya tuh orang sih. Dia nyetir motornya kayak orang gila, nyalip sana sini, trus pas mau belok dia ngebut, motong orang, dan akhirnya motornya kepleset. Dia jatuh kepala duluan dan helmnya mental. Gw ngga tau deh tuh orang nasibnya gimana.

Abis dari airport, gw dan bokap langsung ke rumah sakit. Sepupu gw sadar dan udah lumayan ok keadaannya, cuma masih musti nunggu hasil tes. Gw, bokap dan om gw nunggu diluar trus pas lagi nunggu ada ambulans datang [kita di UGD]. Naah.. pas pasiennya mau dikeluarin dari ambulans, si mas-masnya narik ranjangnya sendirian padahal itu kan berat.. Roda ranjangnya ngga ngunci dan akhirnya jatohlah tuh pasien dan ranjangnya. Gw asli shock setengah mati. Kepala tuh pasien agak kejeduk mobilnya dikit tapi untungnya gapapa. Hasil tes sepupu gw baru bakal keluar jam 5 pagi.

Sekarang gw udah di rumah dan gw bener-bener rasanya capeeeekkk banget. Too many bad things happened today.. I've seen enough bad things to last me a while.

It's been a really long day..

ngga penting tapi penting

2008-04-12T01:37:00.002+08:00

You know how there are just people you would take a bullet for?

Setelah sebuah diskusi panjang sama teman gw gara-gara gw bilang gw rela mati buat dia, kita jadi agak bingung. Soalnya gini, sebenarnya apa sih alasan kita rela mati buat orang itu? Jawaban yang normal sih ya supaya mereka bisa terus jalanin kehidupan mereka, supaya mereka ngga mati sebelum mereka sempat melakukan semua hal yang ingin mereka lakukan, betul? Tapi terus teman gw bilang gini,

"Tapi Dri, pernah kepikir ngga, kalau loe mati gara-gara nyelamatin gw, gw menderitanya kaya apa? Kayaknya mendingan gw ikut mati deh."

Nah... jadi gimana dong? Kok kesannya jadi egois yaa?? Emang bener gw ngegantiin teman gw itu dijemput maut, tapinya kan dia jadi menderita. Sedangkan tujuan gw mati buat dia itu kan supaya dia ngga menderita dan nyesel. Aaahh.. jadi bingung!

coba ya..

2008-04-10T00:55:00.001+08:00

Hmm.. kalau orang mabok dan agak-agak ngga sadar itu biasanya selalu mengatakan kejujuran ngga..?

harassment!

2008-04-02T00:09:00.003+08:00

Pas weekend kemarin, ceritanya gw mau memanjakan diri sendiri dengan pijet refleksi. I was looking forward to it. Gw lagi main ke daerah serpong yang notabene amat sangat jauh dari rumah gw jadi gw jarang kesana.

So, gw sama iie gw pergi ke satu tempat bernama Heaven di kawasan BSD. Nah, everything went well, walaupun pas lagi enak-enaknya menikmati dipijet ada oma-oma berduaan yang heboh ngomongin Dewi Persik dan Saipul [what's with the 'p'?] Jamil dan seseorang yang dikirain adalah anak pengamen tapi ternyata anak tukang tinju [tukang tinju itu apa ya?]. Lalu si mas-nya kan pijet punggung gw gtu ya, eh tau-tau tangannya turun dan nyelip ke bra gw! Mau digampar dia! Sebelum dia berhasil masuk lebih jauh tangannya gw tabok terus gw teriak, "Mas!". Dia tarik tangannya dengan santai lalu kira-kira 30 detik kemudian dia bilang, "Tadi mba bilang apa?". Mau digampar ngga?

Tapi terus gw tuh mikir, oh mgkn ngga sengaja kali. Ngga sengaja my ass. So I let it go.

Malemnya pas gw dinner sama saudara gw yang lain, dia bilang dia waktu itu pijet disitu terus di"obok-obok". Jijik ngga sih. Najisme.

Jadi inget ya, tempat refleksi yang namanya Heaven itu cuma heaven buat mas-masnya. Jijiiiiikkkkkkk.....

mungkinkah?

2008-03-28T23:28:00.003+09:00

Sebenarnya mungkin ngga sih seorang perempuan dan seorang laki-laki itu bersahabat? Yang gw maksud bersahabat disini itu tuh purely friends, ngga ada yang mengharapkan sebuah hubungan yang lebih dari yang lain. Gw mikir akan agak susah sih, salah satu akan ada yang suka sama yang satunya lagi. But I thought it was possible. Tapi sekarang gw jadi agak ragu.

Kemarin ini gw sempet deket sama satu cowo yang gw akuin chemistry nya hebat banget sama gw. Kita nyambung banget dan gw suka sekali hang out sama dia. Ujung-ujungnya ternyata dia jadi punya feeling sama gw yang ngga bisa gw bales. Setelah dibahas, dia jadi menjauh. Iya, gw respect kalau dia butuh space nya untuk ngelupain gw atau get over me atau apalah. Tapi masa gara-gara itu gw jadi kehilangan temen? Berarti selama ini dia baik sama gw tujuannya emang cuma.. itu? Gw actually sakit hati. Banget.

Jadi.. apa emang ngga mungkin seorang perempuan dan seorang laki-laki cuma sobatan doang?

2008-03-23T22:54:00.001+09:00

Kenapa ya susah banget ngelepasin sesuatu yang sebenarnya memang sudah bukan punya gw lagi..?

tentang gw

2008-03-18T01:50:00.002+09:00

Akhirnya gw pasang internet juga. Emang sih internetnya ngga cepet-cepet amat, but it's still definitely better than nothing.

Hmm.. cerita apa ya.. Well as you can see frm my few previous posts, I've been feeling kind of down lately. Gw lagi bener-bener berusaha buat nyerahin semuanya ke Tuhan, soalnya gw yakin banget kalau with God all things are possible [Matt. 19:26]. Itu lagi bener-bener jadi pegangan hidup gw saat ini. Tiap kali gw merasa apapun yang gw hadapin itu berat, gw inget ayat itu dan gw merasa dapet kekuatan lebih. Gw inget jaman-jamannya gw kuliah, beuh, pertarungan berat jack. Dengan semua aktivitas yang gw jalanin saat itu, it's a miracle gw berhasil lulus. Nah tiap gw inget itu, gw tambah yakin kalau Tuhan bakalan bantuin gw.

Naahh.. trik supaya gw selalu inget itu, di depan ranjang gw, gw tempel poster di dinding yang tulisannya "...With God all things are possible" dan di bawahnya gw tempelin foto-foto wisuda gw, biar tiap gw bangun pagi, gw diingetin terus dan tiap gw menghadapi cobaan seberat apapun, gw tetep kuat.

To be completely honest, sekarang gw merasa gw bisa lebih kuat menghadapi apapun. Misal, balik ke Indo for good. Ngga gampang. Bener. Walau gw dulu maksa mau pulang dan dengan pedenya meyakinkan orang that it's awesome living here and all that jazz, gw ngga malu ngakuin kalau saat ini lagi berat banget buat gw. Bahkan kadang gw rasanya pengen pack up my bags and go back to Perth where everything is familiar to me. Tapi gw ngga mau menyerah sebelum berperang dan ini toh pilihan gw sendiri, ngga ada yang maksa gw untuk pulang. Ego gw push gw terus. Dan gw amat sangat bersyukur gw punya Tuhan.

Hehe khotbah banget yak. Well anyways.. things haven't been awesome, but it's been pretty good. Made some new friends so it's been fun :)

2008-03-13T23:43:00.005+09:00

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many haircuts, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends.. You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door...

ban serep. lagi.

2008-03-13T01:13:00.002+09:00

Tahu ngga rasanya merasa tidak berarti?

Saat orang yang paling penting dalam hidupmu tak menganggapmu lagi
Dia bahagia dan hidupnya berwarna
Tapi hatimu hancur tak bersisa

Kamu habiskan harimu bersimbah air mata
Dia tetap bisa tertawa

Dan untuk kesekian kalinya kamu merasa tolol

Bodoh telah membiarkannya merobek hatimu berulang kali

Pernah kamu merasa tidak berarti?

Terima kasih, kamu berhasil membuatku merasa seperti itu.

what did i tell u? emang cuma ban serep kan..?

for now

2008-03-02T22:28:00.003+09:00

Hmm... Gonna be away for I don't know how long.. Udah balik for good ke Indo nih, dan di rumah ngga ada internet, jdnya bakal ngga bisa update-update deh..

To keep you up to speed.. I'm seriously tired of wishing for something that is probably not for me. I've been praying about it therefore I think maybe God does not want this to happen. So.. I'm gonna let nature take its course, seriously put an effort in closing my heart for this thing and let it go.

why?

2008-02-22T01:04:00.002+09:00

Gara-gara ditinggal teman gw, gw kadang jadi suka mikir.. Why do we try so hard? Teman gw itu pinter, hardworking, tapi suka stress.. Buat pindah dari uni dia yang dulu ke uni gw, nilai dia harus semuanya at least distinction. Dan itu bener-bener bikin dia stress berat dan ngga bisa pergi-pergi enjoying his life. Iya, nilai dia semuanya ngga ada yang lebih rendah dari distinction, but he died without having spent as much time as he could have with his friends and family. Gw? Walau nilai gw ngga segemilang itu, gw lulus juga.

Why do we try so hard when we could've tried less and still get through it? Won't we all die at the end anyway?

kangen..

2008-02-19T16:18:00.003+09:00

Hari Sabtu kemarin for the first time gw berkunjung ke rumah teman gw yang meninggal. Hari Minggu, 17.o2.o8, was supposed to be his 21st birthday, but he never made it. Selama ini walaupun gw sedih, I guess it hadn't really sunk in yet.

Di rumahnya, kita diajak liat a little shrine yang disiapin keluarganya buat dia. It was like a little cabinet, di rak paling atas ada bunga, foto dia dan the urn with his ashes in it.. Nobody is supposed to fit into a jar that small.. Terus ada makanan favorit dia, bubble tea favorit dia. God, that seriously made me breathless. Di rak kedua, ada barang-barang dia. Ada ipodnya [which we gave him on his last birthday.. he never made it to the next one :(], trus ada gantungan kunci favoritnya, dan yang bikin gw paling sedih, dompetnya, lengkap dengan semua kartu-kartu dia dan simnya.. Gw ngeliatnya tuh ngenes banget..

Trus rak yang dibawahnya ada boneka-boneka hadiah selama dia sakit. Di lemari di bawahnya isinya buku-buku pelajaran dia, files, tempat pensil..

Gw ngga pernah merasa sesedih ini seumur hidup gw. His parents couldn't talk about him without crying. Bokapnya bilang, he didn't want to die because he was afraid he would miss us, his friends. This past couple of days I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and missing him.

What do you do when the person you miss you will never see again..?

2008-02-15T00:46:00.002+09:00

Feeling a bit low today.. It was my graduation day and valentine's day, so there was plenty to be happy about, right? Wrong. When I woke up this morning I received a bouquet of red roses and chocolate. Did that make my day? No. Not that I'm not thankful for them, because I am. It was a sweet gesture. But it wasn't enough to make my day.

Then I got a present in the form of a makeover for my graduation. I was ecstatic. I love makeovers. And it saved me time because I didn't have to put makeup on myself but instead I got a professional to do it for me. Did that make my day? Not really.

Then I went to uni for my graduation ceremony. I was in euphoria. I couldn't believe it was happening. I enjoyed myself, talked to friends I hadn't met in a while, took a lot of awesome photos, GRADUATED, watched fireworks.. Did that make my day? Not so much. There is someone who was supposed to be there with us, celebrating his graduation, but he wasn't. He was taken away from us way too soon. Thinking that he should've been in his seat, sitting among us in his regalia, enjoying the atmosphere and the fireworks was enough to bring tears into my eyes.

And yes, there is something else. Something so important that has upped and left, leaving a huge hole in my heart. That definitely was the major reason why I was feeling low today.

I am so tired of this but I am too tired to fight..

lulus

2008-02-13T01:17:00.001+09:00

Lusa gw graduation! On Valentine's day. Akhirnya.. setelah 3 tahun penuh perjuangan semuanya akan terbayar. Malam-malam panjang itu dimana gw harus duduk berkutat di depan buku dan laptop buat belajar atau bikin assignment membuahkan hasil juga. Ngga rugi deh semua keringat dan air mata yang udah gw keluarin selama bertahun-tahun karena akhirnya gw sampai ke akhir kehidupan sekolah gw.

Lucunya, waktu gw find out kalau gw udah lulus, gw cuma excited dan euphoria untuk beberapa jam. Setelah itu gw langsung merasa bingung dan ngga tau hidup gw mau dibawa kemana. Langkah apa yang harus gw ambil selanjutnya. Gw ngga pernah merasa sebingung itu seumur hidup gw. Gw put off cari kerja for a while dengan excuse gw butuh break sebelum gw mulai kerja. Akhirnya setelah dibujuk-bujuk dan membuat pact dengan seseorang, gw kirim juga CV gw. Seminggu setelah gw kirim CV, gw dapet kerjaan. Sekarang gw officially seorang guru les bahasa inggris di sebuah tempat les di Kelapa Gading. Cihuy!

Emang sih kerjaannya cuma part time, tapi I think that will do for the moment, while gw cari kerjaan lain yang bisa occupy hari-hari dimana gw ngga ngelesin. Senang banget dan ngga sabar banget buat mulai kerja. Gw udah ketemu sama calon murid-murid gw dan mereka amat sangat lucuu..

Having said that, ngga semua hal yang telah terjadi di bulan ini menyenangkan karena gw harus, for the nth time, say goodbye to one of my best friends yang dapat kerjaan diluar Jakarta. Sedih banget, tapi gw happy buat dia. It's an awesome opportunity. I guess at this age you learn to say goodbye a lot more than you used to when you were younger. Dan loe harus bener-bener bisa berdiri sendiri diatas dua kaki loe dan bikin keputusan-keputusan loe sendiri.

"Karena itu Aku berkata kepadamu: Janganlah kuatir akan hidupmu, akan apa yang hendak kamu makan atau minum, dan janganlah kuatir pula akan tubuhmu, akan apa yang hendak kamu pakai. Bukankah hidup itu lebih penting dari pada makanan dan tubuh itu lebih penting dari pada pakaian? Siapakah di antara kamu yang karena kekuatirannya dapat menambahkan sehasta saja pada jalan hidupnya?"

Matius 6:25,27

scared

2008-02-10T00:43:00.000+09:00

Standing on a crossroad. Not sure which road to take. Sometimes I wish my life was a straight line, so I wouldn't have to choose or make any big decisions that would lead to some sort of a consequence.

Now whether I like it or not, In have to choose which road I'll walk. Alone. I'm scared shitless, but I have to grow up and choose. Walk it through.

I don't wanna do this..

I miss you a little, I guess you could say
A little too much, a little too often
And a little more each day..

ingin

2008-02-07T16:51:00.000+09:00

Banyak yang kuinginkan di hidupku
Sepasang sepatu cantik yang menghias kakiku
Sebuah mobil merah untuk menghemat waktu
Sehelai sertifikat menyatakan kelulusanku

Belum lagi gerimis saat aku bangun pagi
Pelangi yang menghiasi langit tinggi
Doa yang terjawab sesuai kemauan hati
Tapi bukan itu yang paling kuingini

Aku hanya ingin kesehatan untuknya setiap hari
Jangan sampai setetes hujan pun menyakiti
Atau angin malam datang menghampiri
Atau hatinya merasa sedih

Seandainya aku tidak bisa milikinya
Sebesar apapun hatiku terluka
Aku ingin dia bahagia
Dengan siapapun yang tercipta untuknya

rest in peace

2008-01-17T01:17:00.000+09:00

Lost him to cancer today.. My best friend..
Rest in peace.. Take care of yourself up there 'kay..
xo

a lesson

2008-01-15T03:07:00.001+09:00

A lesson in letting go:

stop holding on!

i'm looking for imperfect

2007-12-14T21:52:00.000+09:00

I'm looking for imperfect.

Like Nemo with his funny fin.
Or Dumbo with ears too big for his body.

I'm looking for imperfect.

And you're perfectly imperfect for me.

2007-12-14T00:25:00.000+09:00

I don't wanna have to choose.. Sometimes I wish I wasn't given multiple choices, just one.

I haven't chosen, but I already feel lost and alone.

2007-12-09T02:05:00.000+09:00

These miss you nights are the longest..

bingung

2007-11-28T23:14:00.000+09:00

Hmm.. udah nyaris pulang indo, kemungkinan besar ngga balik lagi [balik cuma buat graduation lalu ke jakarta for good], jadi banyak yang dipikirin dan jadi agak ngga rela ninggalin Perth. Emang sih selama ini gw ngga pernah gitu suka Perth soalnya sepi dan ngga ada tempat main, tapi kok sekarang jadi mikirin segala macam hal yang bakal gw kangenin kalau gw ngga tinggal sini lagi ya..

Iya di Jakarta enak, ada yang nyuciin dan nyetrikain baju gw, beresin rumah.. Tapi at least disini karena semuanya dikerjain sendiri jadi baju ngga ada yang hilang dan gw tau barang-barang gw disimpennya dimana. Supir.. well I actually really really enjoy driving so I love driving here walaupun jalanan dipenuhi oleh orang-orang tolol yang ngga bisa nyetir. Kalau malem-malem walaupun ngga ada tempat yang bisa dipergiin, gw bisa bebas pergi malem tanpa bonyok terlalu khawatir. Dan karena ngga ada tempat yang bisa dipergiin kalau malem, sekarang udah menjadi hobi gw untuk duduk di mobil di pinggir sungai ngobrol sama teman sambil menikmati pemandangan yang pastinya di Jakarta ngga ada.

Disini ada restoran favorit gw yang jual chinese food Hong Kong style yang di Jakarta ngga ada. Gw saking seringnya ke restoran itu sampe uncle-nya udah ngenalin gw dan suka kasih gw es krim gratis. Hari ini gw kesana untuk terakhir kalinya sebelum gw pulang Indo dan uncle nya ngga adaaaa... Dia lagi have a minor operation. Poor uncle..

Teman-teman gwww... aduh. One of my friends is having a really tough time dealing with his cancer and the chemotherapy and I won't be here for him :( Dan teman-teman gw yang lain.. my sweetie bum-bums.. Uhuk.

My family.. What am I gonna do without them? Kakak gw yang hobi gangguin gw sampai gw kesel dan akhirnya berantem. Dede gw yang iseng banget tapi kreatif dan suka ninggalin origami-origami lucu di meja belajar gw. Nyokap gw yang bersedia ngedengerin keluh kesah dan complain-complain gw setiap waktu. Aduhh.. Gimana atuuh.. Tapi bokap gw di Jakartaaa.. I'm torn!

Jadi kalau ditanya gw excited apa ngga mau pulang.. jawabnya bingung!

2007-11-28T17:25:00.001+09:00

Besok pulang! :D

2007-11-24T00:14:00.000+09:00

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit"; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that."

But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

James 4:13-16

here i am

2007-11-17T00:32:00.000+09:00

Waktu gw masih kuliah, pengen cepet-cepet lulus. Rasanya ngga sabar buat nyicipin dunia luar dimana gw udah ngga terikat sama sekolah. Sekarang, semuanya udah lewat. Exam terakhir pun udah berhasil gw kerjain. Dengan baik atau tidaknya itu masih belum ketauan sampai tgl 14 Desember. Until then, semuanya masih ngegantung. Tapi gw tau kalau waktu buat gw membuat decision terbesar gw sampai saat ini udah dateng. Gw harus membuat keputusan itu.

Sekarang gw serasa berdiri di persimpangan jalan, dan gw ngga tau sama sekali harus ambil jalan yang ke kiri atau ke kanan. Ngga ada yang bisa bantuin gw, karena gw tau keputusan apapun yang orang sodorin ke gw bakal gw tolak. Jadi ngga ada gunanya buat bertanya kan?

I've climbed the walls. I can see the edge but I can't take the fall.
I need courage. I haven't asked God for it, but here is the opportunity to be courageous.

takut.

seminggu lagi

2007-11-11T01:32:00.000+09:00

Tinggal seminggu dan kehidupan sekolah gw selesai. Mudah-mudahan anyway. Takut. Takut banget masuk ke dunia luar sana dimana semua keputusan ada di tangan gw dan ngga ada yang bisa bantuin gw atau spoonfeed gw lagi. Ngga ada guru-guru yang bisa ditanya waktu gw ngga bisa jawab pertanyaan. Atau teman yang bisa dimintain tolong bantuin kerjain kerjaan gw. Ngga ada lagi kesempatan buat cabut kelas demi ke city jalan-jalan sambil minum Boost atau Gloria Jeans.

Setelah gw berhasil lewatin final exam gw untuk terakhir kalinya, exam yang akan gw hadapi lagi itu exam kehidupan. Assignment selanjutnya ya assignment yang dikasih sama guru tersadis, hidup. The school of life.

Gw tau gw bakal kangen setengah mati sama kehidupan kuliah gw. Saat ini sih emang pinginnya cepet-cepet kelar exam dan mau liburan panjaaang. Tapi setelah itu.. apa? Setelah kerja pasti hidup bakal lebih ngebosenin. Everyday will be the same old thing. Tapi ya itu juga tergantung kerjaan gw nanti sih. Who am I to say when I've never really jumped into the real world?

Anyway. Having said all this, the worst isn't over yet. 3 exams to go. Then the agonizing wait until results are released. Then we'll discuss this further.

2007-10-31T00:57:00.000+09:00

Read this.

Hasn't this gone too far in the wrong direction?

teamwork

2007-10-30T22:47:00.000+09:00

This semester I had two big group assignments. Both groups sucked, but one sucked so much more than the other.

After long nights trying to do the assignment, thousands of words used to fight and scream at each other, litres of tears, hundreds of scars planted on our hearts, the assignment is done. 44 pages. And this three people assignment was done by two people. The other group member decided to always come late, do things slow ("I have a disability. I work slow".) and at the end his work was mostly unusable.

One thing I learnt. Teamwork. If you're part of a team, work as a team, don't work as an individual. Don't work slow because you're slow so you hold everyone back. You have to try your best to keep up with everyone else, don't depend on the rest of the team to do all the work. You are part of the team. You can't be selfish by thinking about you and you only.

There is no "I" in "team" is there?

shoebox of love

2007-10-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

Presents for the children wrapped in red and green
All the things I've heard about but never really seen
No one will be sleeping on the night of Christmas Eve
Hoping Santa's on his way..

Shoebox of Love
Click here for more information

2007-10-20T19:06:00.000+08:00

Sudah bulan kesepuluh. Hal itu sedang berlangsung sekali lagi.

Is history gonna repeat itself or are we gonna cheat history this time around?

about opportunities.

2007-10-19T23:56:00.000+08:00

When you ask God for patience, He doesn't give you patience. He gives you the opportunity to be patient.
When you ask God for courage, He doesn't give you courage. He gives you the opportunity to be courageous.

He doesn't just click His fingers and gives you exactly what you want.
He gives you the opportunity and it's up to you whether or not you're gonna take the opportunity.

save room

2007-10-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

Say that you'll stay a little
don't say bye-bye tonight
say you'll be mine
just a little bit of love
is worth a moment of your time.

Knockin' on your door just a little
it's so cold outside tonight
let's get a fire burning
oh I know I'll keep it burning bright
if your stay, wont you save, save.

Save room for my love
Save room for a moment to be with me
Save room for my love
Save a little, save a little for me
Won't you save a little
Save a little for me

This just might hurt a little
love hurts sometimes when you do it right
don't be afraid of a little bit of pain
pleasure is on the other side.

Let down your guard just a little
I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
hold on to me pretty baby
you will see I can be all you need if you stay
won't you save, save.

Oh c'mon, make time to live a little
don't let this moment slip by tonight
you'll never know what you're missing
'till you try, I'll keep you satisfied if you stay
won't you save, save.

- John Legend.

bridging the gap

2007-10-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

Minggu lalu di gereja tema khotbahnya itu "Bridging The Gap". Jadi maksudnya kita harus bangun jembatan diatas perbedaan-perbedaan antara kita dan orang lain supaya kita bisa menerima mereka walaupun mereka berbeda dari kita. Pendeta gw bilang kita harus lebih toleransi ke orang.

Emang sih, untuk hal-hal kecil misalnya kita punya temen yang suka kecentilan dan kalau dandan tebelnya bermeter-meter dan kita ngga suka, nah itu gampang lah ya untuk ditoleransi. Kan katanya if you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Oke, untuk hal-hal seperti itu emang kita masih bisa rubah cara berpikir kita. Tapi kalau udah sampai hal-hal yang prinsipil, seberapa jauh kita harus bertoleransi?

Contoh paling gampang dan paling bikin gw emosi, orang yang suka telat. Waktu gw juga berharga dan ngga mau gw sia-siain buat nungguin orang yang telat. Emang cuma waktu dia aja yang berharga? Nah, seberapa jauh gw harus toleransi ketelatan itu? Kasih tau orang itu satu dua kali, tegur dia satu dua kali, terus kalau dia tetap ngga berubah kita terima aja tiap kali dia telat?

Another example. Waktu itu pas gw lagi di Indo, gw lagi jalan di tempat parkir mall. Tempat parkirnya diluar sih, bukan yang undercover gitu. Terus pas gw lagi jalan gw kebetulan lewatin seorang supir yang buang puntung rokok yang masih nyala ke tanah. Bahaya kali mas. Gw otomatis bilang ke dia, "Mas, matiin dulu dong itu rokok kalau mau dibuang." Terus dia kaya rada bete gitu tapi dimatiin juga. Hal kaya gitu apa seharusnya gw toleransi?

Gw ngga sempet nanya pendeta gw soal seberapa jauh kita harus toleransi perbuatan seseorang. Tapi sampai detik ini gw masih tetep mikir, seberapa jauh kita harus bertoleransi terhadap perbuatan orang lain yang jelas-jelas salah?

2007-10-12T14:56:00.000+08:00

Sakit itu tidak enak yaaaa.... Mau ngapa-ngapain males.. Tidur ngga pengen... Rasanya pingin sembunyi aja dibawah selimut dan tidak bertemu siapa-siapa...

Argghhh... maybe the power of natural healing does not work.. :(

2007-10-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

Dang!

Kok kangen sih...??

one fine day

2007-10-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

Kemarin gw dapet kesempatan ngumpul-ngumpul sama temen-temen high school gw. Seneng bukan main. Berhasil bikin gw happy seharian. Emang, we didn't do anything much, cuma brunch bareng, trus duduk-duduk di pinggir sungai berjemur sambil ngobrol dan foto-foto. Berjemur 3 jam ngga terasa thanks to the company. Pulang-pulang agak sunburnt sih. Hehe.

Gw bersyukur banget buat temen-temen gw yang bisa serius nerima gw apa adanya. Gw bisa cerita apapun, dari hal-hal paling bagus sampai hal-hal paling jelek dan mereka ngga judge gw dan tetep asik-asik aja sama gw. Gw bisa melakukan hal-hal memalukan, ie. guling-gulingan di rumput kaya anak anjing atau foto-foto diri sendiri menuruti hasrat banci foto atau hal buruk seperti butt sucking, dan mereka ngga nolak gw.

Menyedihkannya kita semua sekarang udah milih jalan hidup kita masing-masing dan itu bikin kita tersebar ke seluruh penjuru dunia. Salah satu temen gw ada yang kuliah di London. Satu lagi bakal for good ke Singapore tahun depan. Gw kemungkinan bakal cabut akhir tahun ini. Who knows kapan lagi kita bisa ngumpul-ngumpul kaya gini, with time on our side. Setahun lagi juga belum tentu. Mungkin dua. Tiga. Mungkin nanti the next time will be one of our weddings. Mungkin one of our baby christenings. I don't know. Tiba-tiba gw ngerasa kesepian banget kalau mikirin itu.

I don't know what I'll be without my girlfriends.

kisah si ban serep

2007-09-27T11:12:00.000+08:00

Alkisah adalah sebuah ban serep yang tinggal di bagasi gelap sebuah sedan hitam mengkilat. Ia selalu merasa kesepian, sehingga setiap kali tutup bagasi dibuka dan cahaya matahari berhasil mengintip memecahkan kegelapan itu, hatinya dipenuhi dengan harapan bahwa sang pemilik akan mengulurkan tangan dan mengambilnya. Tetapi seperti biasa, harapan itu hanyalah sebuah harapan kosong.

Hari itu, semuanya berbeda. Saat mobil itu sedang meluncur dengan mulus, tiba-tiba terdengar suara "BOOM" keras dan mobil terhenti saat itu juga. Bagasi terbuka dan tidak seperti biasanya, sang ban serep diambil oleh pemiliknya untuk menggantikan ban yang pecah tadi. Oh, betapa senang hati ban serep itu! Dia bisa berguna bagi pemiliknya, dan ia bisa menikmati semua pemandangan yang selama ini sudah ia lewatkan.

Mobil berhenti di depan sebuah bengkel. Si ban serep dicopot, dimasukkan kembali ke dalam bagasi, tanpa sebuah kata "terima kasih"pun. Dan ban serep itu kembali dalam kesepian dan kegelapannya. Tidak lama ia mempunyai kesempatan untuk menjadi berguna bagi si pemilik mobil. Bahkan walaupun ia sudah membantu, seakan-akan tidak ada yang peduli.

Betapa menyedihkannya hidup menjadi sebuah ban serep.

cards

2007-09-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hari ini gw main cutaiti sama temen-temen gw. In one of the rounds I actually got really good cards sampai temen-temen gw tuh heboh sendiri ngeliatnya. Hehe. Tapi toh at the end of the round gw kalah juga. Because you know what? It's not about the cards you're dealt. It's about how you play it. Gw kalah soalnya gw mainnya asal banget, secara gw ngga gitu bisa main ya. Jadinya gw ngga pakai strategi or anything. Asal main aja.

Sometimes gw simpen kartu-kartu gw yang menurut gw nanti bisa gw keluarin as a set. Misal, jadi full house. Atau straight flush. Gw kekepin itu kartu, kekeuh ngga mau keluarin as pairs or as singles. Akhirnya malah ngga ada kesempatan buat gw keluarin dan kartu-kartu itu malah bikin gw kalah.

It's not about the things you are given in life. It's about how you deal with it and what you do with it. Mungkin kita punya tampang jauh diatas rata-rata. Punya keluarga yang kaya difoto-foto brosur real estate. Mau beli apapun tinggal minta. Good cards, right? Tapi kalau seandainya kita "mainin"nya ngga bener, nanti ujung-ujungnya juga jadinya jelek. Karena kita tau mau apapun tinggal minta dan pasti dikasih, kita jadi spoilt brat. Nge-drugs. Clubbing. Minum-minum. Main cewe/cowo. Sama aja kaya kartu gw hari ini. Gw dapet full house nya 2-2-2-As-As. Dapet straight flush. Tapi karena gw ngga bisa maininnya, akhirnya kalah.

Atau mungkin tampang pas-pasan. Keluarga broken home. Dompet ngga pernah ada isinya. If you deal with it well, you might make it in this cruel, cruel world. Gw tau kok seseorang kaya gitu. Yang waktu kecilnya harus jualan es mambo di lampu merah tapi sekarang sukses.

When life gives you lemons, are you gonna bust out the tequila and salt.. or down it sour?

2007-09-20T01:46:00.001+08:00

Yes yes.. just that.

whatever will be

2007-09-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

Say whatever will be will be
Take the good, the bad
Just breathe

'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
Things like that are never in your hands

No one knows if shooting stars will land

hilang

2007-09-14T14:01:00.001+08:00

Rasanya ada yang hilang...

Apa ya?

..

2007-09-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

Seakan berjalan dalam kegelapan
Tak mengetahui apa yang ada dihadapan
Kehilangan segala pegangan
Hidup dituntun oleh angan

Kuandalkan kekuatanku sendiri
Tak lagi percaya apapun di dunia ini
Aku mau sesuatu yang pasti
Yang tak akan membiarkanku terluka lagi

.. is that too much to ask?

hati-hati..

2007-09-03T11:38:00.000+08:00

Inget posting gw yang ini?

Kemarin ada kejadian lucu related to that. Jadi ceritanya gini.. Gw kan sekarang kerja di Subway ya (tukang jualan sandwich, bukan kereta bawah tanah :P), terus ada customer dateng. Nah gw tuh dari awal udah berasa nih orang kok familiar banget. Pas gw lagi bikinin sandwichnya trus gw lirik-lirik ini orang, dia pake seragam Greater Union gitu. Then gw tiba-tiba inget!

*flashback*

Gw lagi di Greater Union, mau beli minum sama popcorn. Yang ngelayanin gw itu satu cowo blonde yang tampangnya sih asli nyebelin banget. Pas ngelayanin tuh rude banget, trus pas kita bilang thank you it was as if we didn't say anything and just walked away. Uhhhh.. gw ngga tahan sama orang kurang ajar!

The next time kita kesana, kita mau nonton Pirates 3. Kita udah beli tiketnya lewat internet so we could jump the queue, kasih registration numbernya, lalu dapet tiketnya. Naaahh... waktu itu gw dapet si cowo blonde yang rude itu lagi. Yang beli tiketnya kan kk gw sama ce nya, sedangkan mereka datengnya telat jadi suruh gw yang ambilin tiketnya dulu. Gw kasih registration numbernya terus dia dengan kasarnya bilang gini, "I don't need that number! What's the name?" I was like.. what? Gw ngga yakin belinya pake nama kk gw apa nama ce nya, jd pertama gw kasih nama kk gw dulu. Terus gw bilang sama dia gw ngga yakin namanya itu bukan. He asked me to spell it out and when I did, tebak dong dia ngapain? "Shhhh... shhhh!!" sambil angkat tangannya gitu. Loh! Dia yang minta gw spell namanya! Bo, gw panas! Dan dia gituin gw ngga cuma sekali!

Gw samperin orang lain terus minta ngomong sama managernya. Managernya bilang kalau gw mau complain harus kirim surat. Malesin banget.

*back to the future*

So back to yesterday, yeap, the guy yang gw layanin itu the very same guy yang suruh gw diem. Haha. Coincidence? Gw sih cuma ketawa aja, but there were all these evil plans in my head. Gyahahah. Tapi nanti kesian bos gw kalau ada customer complain gara-gara sakit perut abis makan Subway. Hehe. Gw sih cuek aja.

Makanyaa... you never know orang yang loe treat like a piece of nothing itu siapa.. Tau-taunya dia itu orang yang bikin sandwich loe gimana hayooo..??? ;)

the dream

2007-08-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

There were 5 of us. One person in front of me, 3 people behind me. We were walking on a bridge, high high above roaring water. Then suddenly there was a turn, and the next section of the bridge was only two long pieces of fabric, stretched from one end to the other, with no railing and nothing to hold but two pieces of rope hanging from the top, one for each hand.

I was terrified, but there was no other way to go except to walk on that bridge to get to the other side. Slowly we walked, and nearing the end, the person in front of me fell and her leg got caught by the rope so she didn't free fall to the angry waters.

She yelled at me to not worry about her and to keep going.

So I walked on, my legs trembling with each step. But I got to the end just fine. I was thinking to climb up to the ledge but I thought if I did, the whole bridge would shake and the people behind me would fall. Then the person behind me was close to falling and shook the whole bridge and I was close to falling too. At the end I decided to climb up, deciding that it would lighten the load that the bridge has to hold. When I did, it was okay, and everybody made it.

That was the dream I had a couple of days ago but it wasn't the first time I have that dream. It was probably the third or fourth time, but the difference is this time I made it to the end while in the previous times I never did.

Do you think this was only a dream, or is there some hidden meaning behind it?