Gw abis ntn film jomblo bwat kdua klinya. Gw jd mikir, apa sih alasan orang selingkuh?

Gw bknnya ngga pnah knal orang yg pnah selingkuhin orang lain, jangankan knal doang, diselingkuhin pun pnah. Dan diselingkuhin itu sakit. It makes me feel like i'm not good enuff. Apa mungkin emang alasan seseorang selingkuhin pacarnya itu karna dya merasa pacarnya ngga good enuff? But then that leads to another question, knapa ngga diputusin dulu? Klo gw personally, gw mendingan diputusin for another girl daripada diselingkuhin. Iya diputusin ky gtu juga sakit, tp diselingkuhin itu bikin gw kehilangan rasa percaya diri gw, dan ya itu, gw jd merasa klo gw tuh mungkin emang ngga pnah good enuff bwat dya.

Menurut film jomblo, ada 2 alasan knapa orang slingkuh.
1. dya merasa blum bsa menjadi yg terbaik untuk pacarnya.
2. dya merasa pacarnya itu bkn yg terbaik untuk dya.

Tp klo ky gini caranya and you keep looking for someone better, kapan brentinya? Karna there will always be someone who's better than the one bfore. You can keep looking and you will never find someone who's good enuff for you klo ky gtu caranya. Klo emang loe merasa pacar loe itu not the best for you, putusin dulu kek sblm selingkuh. Heran. Mesti ya selingkuh itu? Emang apa enaknya sih selingkuh?

Knapa? Knapa ngga diputusin dulu? Takut mutusinnya?? You take the glory I take the suffering gtu? Rese.

blakangan ini gw merasa banged klo ppl make a lot of assumptions. dan itu kadang ngebetein. gw taw kok, sadar ngga sadar gw jg suka assume ini-itu. dulu malah ada yg pnah blg sama gw klo gw tuh orang paling berasumsi yang dya knal. i dint take it seriously at the time, karena gw merasa sometimes making assumptions itu perlu banged. loe ngga slalu bsa dapet informasi yang definite kan ttg sesuatu, jd maw ngga maw loe harus bikin asumsi.

tp banyak asumsi* yg mnurut gw ngga pada tempatnya. misal, asumsi bahwa smua org indo yg bsa tinggal/skolah/kuliah di luar negri itu kaya. not necessarily kok. banyak yang dateng hanya dgn modal nekat. iya loe bsa blg rumahnya gede, bsa pgi makan kluar, pny mobil, dll*, tp loe taw ngga dibalik smua itu dya gimana? rumah itu bsa ngutang bank, mobil mgkn di bliin sodara, pgi makan mgkn ditraktir tmn*nya. mgkn aja kan dya sbnrnya bayar uang skolah aja suka nunggak, ataw klo pas lg ngga ada acara ditraktir makan* sama temen*nya dya ngga bsa makan secara ngga pny duit?

ataw asumsi yang banyak skali dilakukan orang australi wkt nyetir ataw jalan kaki. mereka suka assume klo the second they step onto that zebra cross tanpa lyat kiri-kanan, any car on any speed will just stop for them. ataw klo org pasang sen agak jauh, itu artinya dya bakal belok somewhere else jd loe kluar dari jalan loe skrg jg ngga bakal nabrak.

asumsi lain, ngga butuh blajar hari ini karena tes nya msi minggu depan dan loe msi punya banyak waktu untuk blajar, trus klo dikasi taw guru trik bwat exam loe sotoy sndiri.

silakan berasumsi. seorang temen gw pnah bilang:
"don't assume. assuming makes an ass out of u and me."

how do you know if you've moved on?

is it when hearing his name no longer hurts?
is it when your memories of him don't make you sad anymore?
is it when seeing him come online on your contact list doesn't make your heart race?
is it when you stop comparing every guy you meet to him?
is it when knowing he's in a relationship doesn't upset you?

sometimes i feel that i'm moving on and i'm almost there.. but then i start to doubt myself again. it's a powerful thing, self-doubt. but i know my God is even more powerful and He'll help me through this :)

dilemadilema..

ah stupidity that brings pain. dammit.

Baby, tell me that you still believe
That you still love me
The way I love you
If you take your love away from me
You know I would die
'Cause I'm not ready for goodbye
[not ready for goodbye - all4one]

it's over. they don't love you anymore, they don't need you anymore, they don't want you anymore. they don't love you anymore. period. it kills and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you alive. that would be a lot better than having to live without them. you feel that you would die if you have to go on without them. and bcause it hurts so much you believe that you could actually die.

but you know what? you won't. it's not worth it. don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you, let alone die. you move on, but you will never really get over them. you don't get over anyone, you can't. you just learn to live without them, as much as it hurts.

doesn't stop you from asking "why?" though, does it?

read an article about insomnia. i guess i can classify myself as a transient insomniac. that's when the sleepless nights occur between one night to a few weeks. ktnya sih it can be caused by short-term anxiety. trus ada jg yg namanya REM behaviour disorder. that's when your limbs make sudden movements gtu - so you jerk in your sleep. yeah, i know someone like that. gw pnah baca somewhere else juga, itu katanya gara* tlalu stress dan byk pikiran wkt maw bobo.
*yeah you, jangan stress* gtu.

tp gw jadi mikir.. gw sempet rearrange my room waktu itu. moved my bed and all. apa ini ada hubungannya ya? kan kata orang feng shui lah, whatever. bener ngga ya? apa gw musti pindahin ranjang gw lagi? tapi dulu pnah kok ranjang gw di posisi demikian, gw pules* aja tuh.

ataw mgkn gara* gw tlalu pusing mikirin soal exam ya? emang sih gw rasanya ky ngga stress* amat, tapi apa mgkn dibawah sadar gw, gw slalu mikirin ini?

apalagi coba? gw ngga mikirin apa* kok. then i guess the short-term anxiety itu datengnya dari pikiran* gw tentang kuliah, soalnya gw ngga pcaya tentang feng shui* itu. lagian itu kan cuma akan terjadi klo gw udah naik ranjang tapi blum bsa bobo kan. nah, ini coba, udah jam 1 pagi, gw msi cenghar. aduhh dirikuuu.. ngantuk doonnggg. bsok klas pagi niiihh.

klo ngga bsa tidur ky gini, jadi banyak pikiran deh. malah makin ngga bsa tidur kan. hehe. coba ya, ada yang punya resep bwat bikin ngantuk nggaaa? sleeping pills and sedatives excepted!

- scientific information taken from here and other related articles.

hallu...
lg pgn posting ngga pentiinngg :P

blkgan ini insomnia gw kambuh lagiihh.. bete banged. naik ranjang jam 12an bsa baru tertidur jam 2. smlm gw udh seneng aja jam stengah 1 udh bsa naik ranjang soalnya assignment yg due ari ini udh klar. gw pikir i could get enuff sleep soalnya gw paginya mst bangun jam 8.30 gtu. trus emang sih tidur, tp tidur* ayam doooaanng. reseeee. gw smp pegel rasanya tiduran! trus gw kbangun beneran jam 2an, trus abis itu baru bsa tidur mayan pules. tp gila yaa, blkgan tuh akut amat insomnia gw. bsa baru bsa tidur jam 3.. jam 4.. maw mati rasanya. pagi* mata bengkak segede* apa gara* kurang tidur.

klo dipikir* ya, gw mulai insomnia gini lagi tuh semenjak ktemu seseorang yg mengingatkan gw akan masa lalu. rese. kan jd kpikiran lagi, kangen lagi.. pdhl gw bencciii.. i hate thinking about him and missing him. kpala gw rasanya maw rontok klo udh mikirin itu. [loh loh.. kok tiba* itunes gw memutar lagu terpesona nya glenn fredly + audy? aaahh reseeee...]

trus the past few days gw terjangkit hayfever kembali. pagi* bangkis* tak ada ampun lalu pake meler [maaf jorok. haha] pulaa. mata jg gatel dan permanently merah. hahah. kmrn ini gw pas lg parah*nya pas mst ke dktr gigi gtu lg. i looked like a crazy person. hahah. tp skrg pagi* udh gw makanin antihistamine gtu sih, jd mendingan.

exam timetable sdah kluar. baru yg draft sih. not too bad actually. pretty happy with it. tp gw kna mst bengong* dsini sblnan sblum gw balik indo. huhu. abis males jg klo gw balik indo tp gw sndirian. nykp gw soalnya baliknya tlat banged gtu. jd gw rada ngga rela klo harus terdampar di jkt sndirian dgn kemungkinan bumping into ppl i dont want to bump into.

blkgn ini jg gw lg sensi banged. lil things yg ngga byasanya irritate gw bsa bikin gw pgn ngamuk. haha. tp kan gw udh blajar loh bwat nahan emosi. ciyeciye. hahah. apa mgkn gampang teriritasi ini efek dari kurang tidur?

ya sdah.. gw maw bikin peer dulu.

kira* sapa yang bakal dapet nilai lebih bagus: orang yang ngga pinter* amat tapi rajin, apa orang yang pinter tapi males?

klo disuruh pilih antara cowo yang jelek tapi setia dan sayang banged sama eloe, ataw cowo yang ganteng dan sama skali ngga malu*in bwat ditenteng* tapi ngga setia, loe bakal milih yang mana?

would you ever have sex just for sex?

seandainya loe harus memilih: take two family members with you to heaven and the rest will go to hell, ataw condemn one person you know well [a friend or a family member] to hell but the rest would go to heaven, which would you choose?

mendingan punya pacar tukang mukul apa punya pacar pemabuk?

gimana taw nya klo seseorang itu soulmate eloe?


** ptanyaan* ngga penting hasil pembicaraan dengan beberapa teman..

sometimes you stumble across people with really annoying habits that you just can't accept. like people who talk and demand attention when someone else is talking. or people who just don't listen when other people are talking bcause they think they know more. or people who whine all the time about problems that they brought onto themselves. or people who leave things around expecting other people to pick up after them.

these habits take some getting used to.

but sometimes you just can't.

one of the many things i learnt from my mother [and through experience. one has to learn it the hard way] is just let it be. you know they are like that, so let them be. well you've only got two choices really. you can either:
1. talk back. snap back. get mad. get annoyed. kill those brain cells.
or
2. leave it. ignore it. you know that's just the way they are. accept it. don't waste even another second thinking or getting mad about it. not worth it.

if you don't like something, change it. if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

sepi .


yang paling perih dari sndirian itu bkn saat kita sedih. tapi justru saat kita ktawa seneng dan ngga ada yang bsa kita ajak ktawa.

Sialan, bintang jatuh lagi.

Hari-ku kuhabiskan untuk mencari bintang jatuh.
Berharap ia hanya ilusi.

Sialan, dia teronggok di hadapanku.

Terpaksa aku ambil, atau tidak, atau kutinggal, atau kubuang saja?
Tau dari mana dia untukku? Jangan-jangan hanya menggodaku.

Sialan, dia bersinar di tanganku.

Kubawa saja, siapa tau bisa menerangi kamarku.
Kalau untuk menerangi hatiku?

Kuletakkan dalam hatiku.

Minggu-ku kuhabiskan merawat bintang.
Merasakan ia menghangatkan hatiku.
Cahayanya makin memerah. Ia berubah.

Sialan, dia membakar hatiku

Panas, sakit, pedih, perih.
Kucoba menahan.

Sialan, dia terbang menjauh.

Ku menengadah, menunjuk langit.
Berharap menemukan bintang lain.

Sialan, bintang jatuh lagi.

Apa dia kali ini untukku?

dalam hidup gw, gw set bbrp line yg terus*an gw ingetin k diri gw sndiri biar gw ngga cross. however, i've crossed almost all of them.

salah satunya, gw pnah blg gw ngga akan pnah ngokar karna gw benci orang* yg ngokar dan membiarkan asap rokoknya nambahin polusi udara. tp buktinya? i did it anyway. emang it didn't go on for long soalnya gw taw itu salah dan itu cuma killing me slowly aja, but i did it. i think smoking is like riding a bike [or so they say, since i cannot ride a bike]. it's something you'll never forget how to do. yes, now and then i get those oh-my-gosh-i-want-one moments, but so far i can still fight it. gw ngga bangga gw udh pnah ngelakuin itu, tapi itu part of my past that i can never erase.

kmrn temen* gw berusaha persuade gw bwat pgi clubbing sama mereka. this is another line that i made: i will not go clubbing. gw ngga maw cross that line soalnya then i would lose all faith and dignity in myself karna if i cross this line, that's another temptation i gave in to. temen* gw blg, "temen loe aja yg ktnya ngga maw pgi clubbing pnah pgi, knapa loe ngga?"
dan over and over again jawaban gw slalu sama, "trus klo dya loncat dari gedung, loe expect gw ikut?"
mereka diem. but they never give up asking me to go.

that statement diatas bener klo menurut gw. you draw these lines and once you cross one, it's really hard to go back. kaya ngokar. wuih temptationnya gede banged to go back to doing it. karna gw udah pnah. pdhl gw bener* ngga find it enjoyable loh. i just do it. tp ada satu temen gw yg slalu ingetin gw time and time again, "don't do it. just don't. i know you're not like that."

beuh, ngga gampang ngikutinnya. tp yg kena banged tuh wkt dya bilang gini sama gw, "you shouldn't feel proud if you wanna smoke but you don't. you should feel proud when you don't feel the desire to do it again."

yeah, you'll find safety in numbers. bakal slalu ada yg ingetin loe supaya loe ngga cross that line again. ever.

gw takut serangga. apalagi laba*. gw takut ketinggian. gw takut naik rides yang serem*. gw takut hantu. gw takut gelap. gw takut jadi orang munafik tanpa sadar. gw takut laki* buayakadalpendua. gw takut nyetir di jakarta. gw takut gw menyerah sama hati gw. gw takut logika gw kalah sama emosi gw. gw takut terpaksa jilat ludah gw sendiri. gw takut disakitin lagi. gw takut hati gw pecah berantakkan lagi. gw takut ditinggal. gw takut harus hidup sndirian. gw takut mati sndirian. gw takut dikhianati. lagi.

mungkin gw pengecut. tapi gw takut.

toples kaca itu masih duduk disana dengan indah. setengahnya penuh dengan bintang* yang aku lipat pada malam* sepi itu. salahku juga aku tempatkan toples itu di bagian paling atas rak bukuku. tapi aku pikir, kalau tidak tinggi, tidak akan kelihatan. aku sudah tidak pernah menambahkan koleksi bintangku lagi. tidak ada gunanya, pikirku.

tadi aku tata ulang kamarku. tanpa sengaja jatuhlah toples bintangku. pecah berantakan. ya, salahku memang aku taruh itu di tempat yang tinggi dan tidak hati* saat memindahkan rak buku itu. terpaksa pelan* aku harus kumpulkan lagi bintang* yang berserakan. tapi aku tahu aku harus extra hati* kalau aku tidak mau jari*ku tertusuk pecahan kaca.

habis sudah riwayat toples itu. ini waktunya aku memulai yang baru.

kemarin nonton konsernya kerispatih. gila sammy keren bannggeedd.. gw lgsg jatuh cinta deh.. hwahahah. dan tnyata iya, emang mirip. hayoooo mirip sapaa?? haha. mirip deh pokoknya. hidung kebawah mirip skali.. gaya*nya.. huhuh sempet kebawa sedih sih.. pas dya on stage emang ngga klyatan miripnyaa.. tp pas tadi ktemu wkt jumpa fans [iya, gw udh jadi die-hard fan nya kerispatih. iya, i did go a bit hysterical di mobil wkt abis ktemu. haha.] kok gaya*nya mirip banged ya? miriiipp banged deh.

enihuuu.. senangnyyaaaa dapet foto sama dyaaa.. hwaaa.... tinggi gtu orangnya.. look at how far he had to bend down supaya fotonya rada* deket sama gw.. wakakak. yesyes im short. duh suaranya kereeenn... hihi obvious banged ya obsesi gw? hehe :P jadi maluw. trus orangnya kyna ramah gtuuhh... menyenangkan dehh..

hmmm kmrn sih worth it banged 25dollar.. keren! top abis. heheh iya sekian informasi dari gw. hehe.

kyaaa...... omaigatt...