how should i start?

i know im not perfect and i know i dont behave spotlessly 24-7. i do curse now and then, i throw tantrums. i know im not holy, im not saying i am. so this post was not written to say that im perfect because i know for a fact that im not.

sometimes i meet people who treat other people like a piece of nothing due to the fact that they think they're the only ones who are right and proper in this universe. they work for a non-profit organisation and they think this will buy their ticket to heaven. but when you treat people like a piece of nothing, do you seriously think heaven's gates will open for you? i know it's not up to me to decide who goes to heaven and who doesn't, but read this:




remember, it does NOT matter how much of the Bible you remember or how many hymns you can sing. it doesnt matter that you speak of God's name in every second word you say or how you go to church as often as people change their outfits.

what matters is how you behave, how you treat people around you. your life is an open book, and while i know it's not easy to behave perfectly at all times, the least you could do is try right? i dont see you trying.

kadang* kita masuk k suatu suasana [atau hubungan] yang menyenangkan. bikin deg*an, tp menyenangkan. rasanya ky naik rollercoaster yang naaiiiiikkk terus, dan kita ngga taw kapan tepatnya dya akan turun. kebayang ngga deg*an nya ky apa? you know its gonna drop down at an amazing speed, but you dont know exactly when.

you enjoy it when its going up, dan kyna at that point in time nothing else matters. even walau loe taw nti akan jatuh, but you make the most of that moment. its good i spose, tp on the other hand loe jg musti udh siapin jantung loe in case dya jatuh. dan yang namanya jatuh, mana ada sih apapun yang jatuh jatuhnya pelan*? the force of gravity gtu. hehe.

gw skrg lg coba mikir, iya, ok, rollercoasternya udh jatuh, tp gw msi survive kan. hehe. so i know ill pull through.


aahh.. im not made for rollercoasters.. never had the guts for it. but why did i get on one? one heck of a tall one too..

Time
-Tommy Page-

i remember the day you said goodbye
something was calling you
i could read it in your eyes
you told me that someday we'd meet again
but deep inside i always knew
this was the end

i remember those words you claimed
as i stood in the pouring rain
when i showed my heart would never be the same

you told me time will always heal the pain
bring the sun and dry the rain
we need time to solve and think our problems through
you told me time is always on my side
to turn the season, change the tide
things work out with time if you want them to

why can't time make me stop
loving you

it wasn't very easy when you left
every mention of your name would get me so upset
i trapped my emotions deep inside
i acted like i didn't care
with hopes this would subside

i try to get you off my mind
i live my life just wasting time
hoping that someday
i can say the same

sometimes you're so deep in love with someone until you're willing to give up just about anything for that person. and yes, compromise. you compromise, compromise, compromise, until the line between right and wrong blurs. then you lose a sense of yourself. you lose your identity. my friend said a couple of days ago, "you lose your [in my instance] adri-ness". then you wonder, is it worth it?

i know a few people who compromise so much until they give up the important things in their life. and im not gonna lie and say i didnt do that. bcause i did. i dont regret it. really. it was worth it all at that time. but there is a line as to how much you should compromise.

ps. you [you know who you are :)] pleaasseee dont compromise school. its not worth it. im so proud of you this semester! love seeing you a lot more at uni. hehe. keep up the great work.

Love isn't about little words. Love is about going that extra mile, even if it hurts. Love is about finding the courage you didn't know was there. Love is about letting it all hang out.

At the end, all love ends. And what are you left with? Nothing but the memories you can't shake off. There will be others out there, but there will only be one first love.

.little manhattan.

kadang tanpa sadar kita terlibat dalam suatu konflik yang kita sendiri ngga sadar mulainya gimana. gw sempet ada masalah sama seseorang, dan gw sendiri ngga taw pasti itu mulainya kapan dan karena apa. tnyata tension itu sampai jadi jelas banged even to outside people, padahal gw sama dya ngga pnah ribut ataw apapun. emang sih, klo a cold war is going on between two people, byasanya berasa. gw ngga nyadar aja klo tnyata itu sejelas itu. hehe.

gw di approach sama temen* gw untuk ngomongin masalah ini. gw sampe shock karna gw ngga nyangka hal sekcil ini jadi konflik dan masalah yang sebesar itu. gw diajak 'diskusi' dan apparently temen gw yg itu juga diajak diskusi. nobody really knew how to solve the problem. gw mikir, gila ini ngga bener banged klo gw biarin kaya gini terus. so a couple of days ago gw samperin dya dan gw peluk. someone has to make the first move, right? gw merasa jauh lebih baik stelah itu sih. karna gw ngga suka punya musuh. klo dya punya masalah sama gw, ya omongin lah ke gw. at least sekarang gw udh ngelepasin perasaan apapun yang ada dibawah sadar gw. skrg i feel much better and i think our relationship is back on the right track again *cross fingers*.

it got me to thinking though, emang making the first move itu ngga gampang. susah. kadang kita let our pride get in the way. syapa sih yang maw minta maaf bwat sesuatu yang dya ngga lakukan? tapi sometimes that first move is crucial in fixing a relationship. we really shouldnt let our pride get the better of us. ngga ada untungnya.

klo menurut gw, minta maaf itu bukan berarti kita lemah, tapi justru kita kuat karena kita bsa ngalahin diri kita sendiri. and trust me, it makes everything so much better! :)

hmm.. kok gw jd meragukan diri gw sndiri ya?

setiap orang punya selera yang beda*. selera ini bsa menyangkut fashion, makanan, hobi, musik, bahkan 'teman'. banyak orang yang lebih suka ditemani secangkir kopi hitam dan sebatang rokok saat berpikir. ada yang suka segelas susu coklat panas dengan kepingan marshmallow mengapung di atasnya. personally, gw prefer secangkir green tea yang masih mengepul panas. teh rasanya lebih tenang dan ringan. teh ngga mengenyangkan seperti kopi ataw susu coklat.

menurut gw, preference yang menyangkut hal* kcil sperti itu masih bsa diterima. klo udh soal pilih* teman, itu udah nonsense. emang sih, kita ngga selalu bsa cocok sama smua orang. mungkin ada yang cara berpikirnya beda, cara berpakaiannya beda, lifestyle-nya beda, macem*. sadar ngga sadar, kita set kriteria orang* yang bsa kita terima untuk jadi teman kita. byasanya kita maw-nya orang yang mirip sama kita. orang yang 'melenceng' dari kriteria kita, kita ngga bsa terima jadi teman kita. nonsense kan? seakan* kita punya hak untuk ngotak*in orang.

kemarin teman gw bilang, "tiap loe ngga suka sama orang, pikir 2 hal. ptama, orang itu ciptaan Tuhan. klo loe benci dya, artinya loe merendahkan Tuhan. kdua, loe syapa sampai loe punya hak untuk benci dya?"

gw ngga perfect. gw yakin secara sadar ataw ngga gw suka ngotak*in orang. ngga ada salahnya untuk ati* loe deket sama syapa, tapi smua orang berhak untuk disayang kan? gw yakin kita smua ngga ada yang maw dikotak*in dan diassume ini-itu. mungkin awalnya susah bwat bsa terima smua orang apa adanya, but that's part of growing up. being able to deal with people.

i know i still have a lot to learn. but don't we all?

another semester has begun. hmm.. lumayan, jd ada kerjaan. seru jg, bsa ktemu tmn* uni gw yg tnyata gila*. hehe. so its a fresh new start. have to work really hard this semester. units gw ktnya susah*. udh mayan jiper sih, makanya jd merasa harus rajin banged biar ngga fail apa*. hehe.

cepet ya, udh bln agustus lg tiba*. rasanya udh pegel banged sama tahun ini, eventful banged. hehe. i wish time would just stop for a second. kadang* rasanya 24 jam sehari itu kurang, ngga keburu melakukan smua yg maw gw kerjain. when i look back, waktu rasanya lambat banged. ih, baru sebulan. baru dua bulan. tp pas d jalanin ngga kerasa.

anyway, musti bikin assgn nih. pdhl br first day. gila jg. hehe.